Unbelievable! Outfished by a nonfisher

May 9, 2011

Have you ever taught someone how to do something and then by the end of the lesson they’re so confident that they are better than you that they start to dish out advice?  Yah, meet my wife.

I grew up fishing. When I was three my dad had a few things he wanted me to know how to do: Throw a ball, ride a bike, and fish. For the next 15 years, fishing was my 2nd favorite thing to do right after drumming. When I went away to college I rarely fished again. So Friday I begged L for money to get fishing gear for this year. I built up a mental list in my mind on everything that I needed!  I was ready to say the least. Then as we are getting out of the car and I was on my way to Arundel Mills to buy gear she drops the bomb, “get me a pink or purple pole, please.

Pole??! You mean rod baby!  And pink or purple?  There’s no chance they’re going to have this. Boy was I wrong. I spent the first 15-20 minutes in the Bass Pro Shop sizing up pink and purple rod & reel combos. Ones for breast cancer, some with push buttons and mermaids, some were heavy duty. Unreal!

I finally go around this fisherman’s version of Neiman Marcus and collect all of the goodies I could ever want. I get to the register and watch it slowly climb above my budget. 40 dollars over the limit I try to mentally justify all of my hooks, lures, and shiny new purchases…finally I just decide that I have to make sure L enjoys fishing so she forgets about the budget.

Saturday comes, and its time to fish. We get a boat, motor, battery and a dozen nightcrawlers (worms) for her. “I’m not touching those!”, I heard at least a dozen times over the next 4 hours. We push off of land and out across the lake. She asks what kinda fish are in the lake. I tell her largemouth & smallmouth bass, gar, crappie, bluegill or sunfish, trout, & catfish.  Then she says, “I don’t want to catch a catfish! They are scary and ugly.”  Whatever…

I bait her hook and she casts out and promptly tangles her reel beyond recognition.  Twenty seconds and my plans are ruined.  There’s fishing line everywhere!  I haven’t even casted myself yet. I conclude that we are going to have to restring her reel mid boat trip…then suddenly her bobber disappears…..and doesn’t come back.

There we are, broken reel, its starting to rain, I haven’t even casted yet, string everywhere and something is taking off with her line.  Great.  She gets excited and starts pulling her rod in the air…this does nothing obviously.  And so I yank it up manually, the whole time thinking its a bass because it pulled it so deep down…but then its not fighting at all…this could only be one fish 🙂

Ahh is that a catfish? Ahh! Are you going to bring it in the boat? Don’t bring it in the boat! I’m not touching it!

I then wrap the towel (that I wisely and strategically brought along with us) around the catfish and hand it to L. I then show her how to remove the hook and she immediately throws that sucker back and is grinning from ear to ear at the fish she didn’t want to catch. Figures…

So I fix her reel and giver her more instruction and finally get to cast my line out a few times. I get one bite, weakly set the hook, amd the fish gets off. That concludes the action for G on the afternoon. L proceeds to catch another bluegill later in the afternoon and then the advice begins flow like Mississippi river.

L: Sorry little guy, we didn’t mean to hurt you.
Me: Hey, stop talking to the fish, we are trying to catch them
L: You are trying. I’m catching.  You have to be one with nature.

Here we go…I thought she would start getting cocky after maybe her second or third time fishing…not after the second fish!..the first one was even an accident!

This is my life.  My wife thinks she is now sponsored by the outdoor life network.  Maybe I overspent and I need to go get the purple “pole” for myself.


Jamaica Mon.

April 29, 2011

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So I got married…sorry, WE got married on April 16th (apparently there is no more I so I’ve been told).  The wedding was amazing and I can’t believe its over. It was amazing being around all of that love and support. I honestly haven’t felt anything like that before!  I will post a link to the pics once they are done. I have seen a preview and they are amazing so far!

So on the 17th we took off for Jamaica. This was what I was REALLY looking forward to. 🙂 JK kinda

We arrived at the airport at like 10pm and drove to the hotel which was about 90 minutes away. Finally we arrive at The Jewel at Dunn’s River…home for 8 days.

We hop off the bus and are greeted with a blue drink called the “Jam of the day” and a cold wet towel!  Serve me please! Yes!

We then get to our rooms and crash immediately. We wake up the next morning and I open the door to the balcony that over looks the water and nearly faint…I mean pass out.  Guys don’t faint.

The view was incredible! The bluest water I have ever seen. Palm trees, white sand, reefs. Paradise!

For the next 8 days we proceeded to do a lot of nothing! Relaxed, read on the beach, napped by the pool, drank fruity drunks like “cold and deadly” or “Jamaican smile” or “Jamaican sunrise“.

The food was good. The breakfast was pretty amazing everyday. Then the meals got bland, repetitive, and old very quickly. The brick oven pizza was amazing…the first three times we ate it. Then it got old!  The only snack foods we had were pretty much stale nachos, butterless popcorn, half of a quesadilla, and fries. Then the ketchup wasn’t Heinz! It was saltfree tomato squeeze…..what?!

By the end of the week L was making up drinks. “Can I have a Pina colada with extra rum and a shot of rum cream on the top with a little strawberry mix on the bottom and a cherry…ooh and a pineapple slice please?” Of course they all loved her so they’d say “yah mon, no problem for you sunshine.” Then shed turn to me so that I could be sure to tip the guy with a crush on my wife. (This is my life)

This was the highlight of the trip!  The people were so nice and helpful!  Everyone there was always ready to help! Even if they were just standing around they’d ask us how were doing. Then when we answered they’d always say “Jah mon, no problem“. Everyone! At first I though it was a show…NO! Everyone was “Yah mon” and “No problem” for everything.

When they talked to us Americans we could understand almost everything they were saying, but when they talked to each othere they used slang and the accent was off the charts incoherent! They also have a different inflection with their voices and it makes them sound rude or angry compared to Americans.

The two times we went off the resort were pretty annoying because people were asking us to buy things and ride jetskis and horses and buy illegal drugs(we said no)!  It got to the point where when a local would talk to us we would just say No. One guy didn’t dig that at all. He goes, “see they tell you to say No to evryting but that’s not nice.  A smart guy like me, just wanted to say hi to da boss lady and show respek“. I actually felt really bad because he really wasn’t selling anything. He asked me once if we wanted some CDs and I said no thanks and then he was just saying “respek“.

One local on the last day was really nice and asked where we were from as I am standing with L. I say DC and he goes “Yah mon! Washington, lot of black people.”  Then he turned into Marcus Garvey and told me to stay black and all kinds of other junk which I just “yah mon’d“.  On the first day, a guy told me that I would be a king in Jamaica because I have a white wife lol. I sure didn’t get that feeling, they still robbed me blind at the shops. No salutes or bows and “your highness“es. I think he just wanted L for himself.

Town, area, environment
I told you about the water and how amazing it was already. Well we went on a booze cruise/catamaran trip to Dunn’s River falls. We stopped in the middle of the ocean to go snorkling which was awesome. We took a bunch of underwater photos but I’m sure they will come out to look awful but I will post them when I get a chance!  We then climbed a 940 foot waterfall in which I proceeded to get 3 lbs of rocks and sand in my shoe. This was really cool! We then got on the boat and that’s when the booze portion of the tour started. A few 18 year old girls were out of control!

The coolest part of the island is that its the same weather everyday. It got about 70 degrees at night and got cold with the Caribbean breeze. During the day its about 85 and sunny everyday. The breeze makes it perfect. The ocean water was warmer than the pool water and was so clear!  The resort had a 200 yard beach so we couldn’t really do much on it, but we could see holes where crabs had burroughed themselves in! That was cool! Other couples actually saw the crabs! Lucky.

We were right next to a local shopping village so locals were constantly calling us over to the fence to get us to buy stuff and ride the Jetskis. Finally I gave in and crossed the padlocked fence. It felt like jail which was completely odd! then we rode the jetski for “30 minutes” which was probably 12. We then got allowed back in by security and continued with our honeymoon. The jetski was awesome but not worth what I paid for it!  That’s for sure. But its a honeymoon!

The weather everyday is, without exagerrating, equivalent to the best day in DC.  Every! Day!


Wow. They drive on the left side of the road and CJs (crazy jamaicans) drive on both sides. The bus driver “the right side is suicide”.  Then he proceeded to go around every car he saw…we spent half the trip on the right side!  They don’t have street lights so they use their high beams like 80% of the time.  They also tailgate within 8 inches of the car in front of them but nobody gets mad or road rage. If an American drove like our bus driver drove he would have been shot at, cussed out, followed, and probably side swiped.  But we got everywhere safely….and late.

Time is merely a suggestion. 10:20 sounds precise but that’s merely a roundabout time. We even stopped after an hour and a half of driving for a bathroom break and to get “snacks“…we were 15 minutes from our final destination….WHY? Cuz for Jamaicans, being late is “no problem mon”

We had some troubles getting back because of the storms.  We didn’t land until like 6am when we were supposed to land 4 hours prior but that’s part of traveling nowadays. No huge surprises there.


To conclude this massive recap. Jamaica is a place we will definitely return to!  We will stay at a. Different resort but we had an amazing time! It was beyond our wildest dreams and it was absolutely worth the wait!  But now that I am back in the states…its time to focus on this wonderful life of ours.