Valentine’s day…3 years ago

February 14, 2012

3 years ago today, we took a leap and had our first date on Valentine’s Day.  Something happened that day that I will never be able to explain…nor will I ever try.  Thank you and I love you.  I wrote you this as I remember that day…

I stand there in the mall, leaning on the pole with all the weight of my nervous anticipation that the concrete column could bear.  My normally able legs tremble with every heel click coming from around the corner.  The corner that I know will present you in only a matter of time.  The corner that will deliver months of hidden smiles and hopeful conversations.  

I wonder if you will see me or my detonated heart first.  Only my rib cage holding it back from exploding.  My cloak of confidence could be snatched away at the first sight if I dont maintain my composure.  So I unbutton another button on my polo.  That should distract you slightly, I think.  I suddenly find it funny that I choose to hide my apprehension with a distracting display of false confidence.

I have no clue what I am nervous about or what I am thinking about so I try to shut my mind off, but only long enough to hear another set of heels clicking from down the hidden mall corridor.  My fingers find themselves re-buttoning my shirt to regain modesty as my legs begin to boil with exhaustive energy.  

I check my watch.  It’s still early.  I don’t know you well, but I know you wont be late.  And for some reason, this makes me glad that I am here early.  In fact, I think to myself that you’ve probably been sitting in your car for the last 10 minutes, planning your escape route in case I’m not who I said I am.  Or perhaps you’re watching me right now.   

I covertly look around for someone who may resemble what I think you’d look like.  I see an old lady with her grandson looking at books in the bookstore across the hall.  A young girl typing away on her cell phone outside of the restaurant.  Another gentleman nervously bouncing his leg as he waits for someone.

Just as I start to explode with anxiety, I see them. A couple; Holding hands and walking towards the baby store.  One day that will be me.  Us perhaps. Except for the holding hands and walking towards a baby store part.  But I can see myself with someone else. Walking. As a couple.  That’s why I’m here, right?  I turn back to the man sitting on the couch waiting for someone.  He gets up and walks into the bar alone.  Maybe he isn’t waiting for someone. That could be me also if I’m not careful.

Just as I start to relax I hear the sound of heels again and my stomach drops to my knees before springing back up to my chin.  I tune in to the sound from around the corner and try not to stare too hard at it from the corner of my eye.  I can’t see you yet but I know its you because your aura precedes you.

Like fanfare, your heels announce comfort and an allure that’s been missing for years.  Spine melting giggles and a staggering smile are all that I will be blinded by for the next three hours.  The rest of my senses will be puppeted by your presence.  I have no clue what I am in for but your hypnotic glow will erase all doubts along with the memory of their presence.  

Like a flash of lightning your smile disarms me of any diffidence and show me the answer to any dismay. As you get closer and your hazel eyes welcome me to paradise, my mind goes blank and I peel myself from the precarious spot against the pole.  Your smile knocks my confidence askew and I freeze trying to speak.  The closer you get, the less I can remember, the more I lose consciousness of, and the greater my stability sways. Suddenly you sing me your name and my mind goes numb.  

But I know I will never be the same.


Too little, too late?

February 16, 2011

Did you screw up Valentine’s day??

Well somebody did, cuz they got to my site by Googling, “How not to screw up Valentine’s Day” . . . On the day after Valentine’s Day! Another guy visited by Googling ” how to make up for screwing up valentines day“.

My heart goes out to these poor fellas. They probably have  sore backs, no tissues or toilet paper in the house (because they’ve been used to soak up all of his wifes tears), and they probably won’t get get a square meal for at least a month.

Well if you really screwed things up, here are a few of my previous go tos that can sometimes help relieve the swelling after the blow (I’m perfect so I no longer need these):

Jewelery – I know we all were hoping this would not be on the list, but it is.  Good news is, women have accepted and actually encourage this as a makeup gift. Its a story piece they can tell their friends about, and its guaranteed to be something, nice expensive, and what they want. Guys, please don’t get her an emerald and say its her birthstone if she were born in August. Do your research this time.

Pampering session – Normally you could get away with sending her to the spa.  If you missed Valentine’s Day, sending her somewhere else for someone to do your job, is strike 2 and possibly a permanent strike.  Get some oils (not olive or vegetable please), and a Luther Vandross CD ( or Tape/record if you’re old school) and some candles.  Buy some cheap old roses and spread them around (in easy to clean places) and watch the waterworks flow.  DVR the game and tend to her every need for a few hours. You will have to apologize to make this one work, but it could be a cheaper alternative to a great night for both!

Makeup Dinner – This is going to cost you.  You will lose a weekend night, at least 150 dollars on food and champagne/wine/valet and you will have to listen to her talk about whatever she wants for 4 hours. This dinner has to be at a high class spot, and you must insist that she dress up.  Make it feel like a date from your distant past where you picked her up, and wore your Sunday best. Trust me, getting your bed back will make it well worth the trouble.  Just ask your aching back.

First date redo – Remember your first date? Was it fun?  If so, redo it.  Get reservations at the same restaurant and request the same table or section you had on your 1st. Did you go hiking? Replay that if its a nice day or weekend. Did you get in a car accident and shatter your dates nose? Then redo it with one of my fabulous first date ideas! Did you forget your wallet and she had to pay for dinner ( Mr. L! 🙂 ) maybe you could relive that moment too, al though it may not be as entertaining this time around. (Great way to guarantee a second date though! Genius!)

Lastly

Sacrifice – You’re going to have to go drastic.  You’re going to have to take her somewhere she has been wanting to go, do something she’s been wanting to do, or buy something you can’t afford.  Like with most of the other suggestions, this requires that you have been paying attention at some point int he past.  I’m talking Trip out of country, tickets to see a play/musical, or a small shopping spree.

You now see, a little preparation goes a long way.  Always pay attention if only for a little bit. you never know when you’ll need it.


How to NOT screw up valentines day

February 10, 2011

I am good at a lot of things. Screwing up important days is TOP of the list. Lately though I have realized all of the things I have done wrong and compiled them into a list of things to avoid doing or better yet, things to focus on getting done!

The first thing I have to tell you to do is to please pay attention. Its free! Don’t just pay attention to her presence, but to what she is saying, doing, thinking, reading, sighing to…everything! These are all valuable clues in the game of love (oooooh!).

Next is to get or do something for her. I don’t care what she says about the holiday, let her be mad at you because you let her know that you love her a little bit. Yeah “it’s too commercial” but so is that stupid Coach purse and all of the jewelery shops you make me stop in on the way out of the mall.

If you are making reservations at a restaurant, please make them early!   I know for a fact that it will NOT be a good excuse to say that they were all booked.  That just means you were lazy and unprepared.  (I need to make my reservations still…uh oh)

If she says she doesn’t need anything or want anything, that doesn’t mean that she can’t appreciate anything! Maybe she doesn’t want flowers, but maybe she wants a pack of her favorite gummy bears! (awesome)

Sometimes it is the little things that mean the most. We literally have empty picture frames in our house because of their sentimental value. If we could trade “sentimental” at nasdaq it would be worth a fortune.

STORY TIME: One time on the way to an old girlfriends house on Valentines Day adopted and bought crayons, construction paper and glue. I made the most makeshift card of all time. Threw some pink hearts and a few XOs in there and let it ride….waterworks. She was crying for hours like I had slaved over that thing for days. Just imagine if I had actually tried!

If you take her to dinner, go with an open mind and an open wallet…It’s OK to bring a coupon, that is actually smart. Just don’t deny her anything she wants at the restaurant.

Don’t say anything negative for one night. Shut your fat mouth for once. just let her be perfect for a day. Let the bills linger and the workday be over and politics be dismissed. Just be nice (it’s a terrible thought I know).

Touch her, whoa whoa!  Don’t be a creep but do a little extra touching. The affectionate kind, not the chimpanzee in a banana tree kind of touching. Hugs, hand holding (yuk, I know), kissing, comforting…you know. Touch her how you hate to touch her, not how you want yo touch her.

Look at her. Even I notice a lot of times when L talks, I don’t really look at her. I know what she looks like so I just kind of look elsewhere. For this one day, try to pay attention to her for once. Watch her eyes and lips….but don’t be a creep.

Lastly, this m may be hard to do, but whatever you do, don’t be yourself. Be the guy you used to be for one night. The romantic funny best friend most interested man she has ever been with.  Not the lazy, overworked, tired, beaten down and tore up man you feel like everyday when you wake up. Leave that wet blanket at home!

In reality, she could be anywhere in the works but she is here with you.


Valentine’s day Special: First date ideas

February 7, 2011

UGH! You are SO BORING!!

L and I had our first date on Valentine’s Day of ’09.  I won her heart with my unbelievable swagger!  Really, the reason I won her over was because I really focused on putting myself in the best position to NOT screw things up.  Therefore, I’m going to turn into Cupid for the next few days and give you guys (and girls) some help on your first dates!  Starting off with some unconventional date ideas.  Nothing too expensive, nothing too awkward.

A couple rules when going on a first date right off the bat that will help you get to the second date.

  1. Avoid the creep zone – You want to be fun and comfortable, but don’t assume that she is more comfortable than she really is.  This will surely put you into the creep zone quickly.  There’s no getting out either!
  2. Eye contact – Very few people have “ugly eyes“, so just assume yours are nice to look at.  Show them to her…often … but don’t stare.  That’s creepy.
  3. Remember she’s a chick – Don’t do something you and your boys think are fun.  You wouldn’t want to go to the hair dresser or to sit at the Nordstrom makeup counter for 2 hours.  Don’t do the equivalent!
  4. Don’t be a drunk – How much fun is it to decipher slurred speech.  Now imagine if you were doing it for someone who was a complete idiot and was slobbering on himself.  Not so awesome is it?  Show some class. Don’t be a creep.
  5. Respect the exit strategy – If she says that she may have to leave early, it’s because ehe thinks you might be a creep.  She’ll probably say something about her friend being all distraught after some outrageous situation that occurred earlier that day.  Respect her fears…then prove her wrong.

Wine tasting – Let her teach you about her world.  Yeah we know about worldly beers and the smoothest tequilas, but what about pinot!?  I know nothing about it, but learning about it mde me realize I would have found it great to learn about it earlier.  It still tastes bad, but so do the 400 600 shots we took in college guys.  Man up!

Tennis lesson, bating cages, bowling, or golf range – This is for the athletic type from athletic family.  I think that it’s true that most girls are attracted to guys that have similar qualities to their siblings or fathers.

Hike 1, Hike 2! – Only for the adventurous type. Make sure people are around and that she would enjoy it and is prepared to sweat.  Don’t be a dummy and take her walking through the woods alone please. You never know, it could end up being the best situation of all time like mine was! (creep alert)

A different kind of rock – Not shopping for diamonds….I’m talking about rock climbing! Indoors, of course.  This is not a good one for a blind date, though.  Looking up at your dates behind as it is being squeezed by a couple tight straps can be a bad idea.  If you know she is a competitor and comfortable with her body , this could be a deal maker! Talk about a test of wills!  I almost peed myself climbing for the first time.  I held it in thought like a good little boy!

Shopaholics beware – Don’t go shopping for stuff for both of you,  that’s not fun…it’s stressful to see her ponder which credit card to use.  Plus you never know her financial situation ya know!?  Tell her you need a new shirt or jeans or something then ask her for her input.  Shows trust, and vulnerability. Gives her a chance to play GF without her knowing it. She will look back afterwards and realize how much fun she had especially if you are cutely awkward or have no fashion sense.  (Verified!)

Sittin’ on the dock of the bay (Top Gun reference!) – The water is so subtly calming and engaging that it takes a lot of pressure off of the nerve racking situation at hand. Just make sure she doesn’t get seasick and make sure you know how to row a boat.

Look honey!  An open House – Schedule to visit an open house or two one weekend and say you are looking to maybe buy a place. She will be impressed at your maturity and it makes things comically awkward when u refer to her by pet names like honey and sweetheart in front of strangers. Don’t overdo it!  Every girl I know LOVES to look at houses…especially big ones they can’t afford.

Blades of Steel! – Take her ice skating, but make sure she isn’t Nancy Kerrigans little sister.  You don’t want her to know she can do some physical activity better than you.

Tickets to a game – Now this is tricky so listen up.  Don’t take her to a game if she isn’t a fan.  don’t buy front row seats if she is a fan.  Just mention that you might hae someone that can get tickets, then gauge her response.  If she is excited, buy midrange tickets.  If not, then squash the idea.  Don’t get tickets to an NBA game.  They are not exciting and she will most likely just be infatuated with one of the players…leaving you with a bill.

People watching at a college – Sounds weird?  You’d be surprised how inhibited college kids are when they think they’re around people who are just like them.  Which is college.  Drunk college girls reciting their escapades.  Stoned 18 year olds talking about dreams they had I did this once in college and it was a hoot!  (I’ve never used hoot like that before, and I don’t think I ever will again) (Verified!)

The zoo – Awesome if the girl is an animal lover or if you just want to walk and have something to point at and make fun of because it is uglier (or cuter) than you are.  REMEMBER! Some places are smelly so be prepared to skip them or convince her to tough it out.

RAR!

Japanese steak house – If you’re going to do dinner, DO IT FUN!  At my favorite, Ziki in Gaithersburg, MD they have a guy that squirt water on you from this little figurine that shoots it from his peepee!  LOL! Hilarious!

Museums – This is a pretty cool and great in a city like  DC where I reside.  The choices are plentiful but it can make for awkward times.  Try to avoid them by not going to museums on extremely sensitive issues like the Holocaust museum.  THere is plenty of good history in these types of museums but it is not necessarily a first day location.