Help settle our argument!

February 2, 2012

This past weekend, we went for a walk (like an old married couple).  While on our walk we got into a hilarious but heated argument!  We both were adament about the other being wrong.  We didn’t really care about being right…I just know she’s wrong!  And, she knows I’m wrong.  See where this is going!? So as we break into full out laughter walking down the street, we decide to let my 7,000 readers be the judge of who is right and who is wrong!

FIrst off, let me explain the argument.  I have this thing where I like to walk on the side of L that is closest to the danger zone! In this case, the street is the danger zone as we walk down the sidewalk.  On the other side of L is some harmless woods and a field in this particular case.  Nothing dangerous except for a dead carcass or two. And maybe a fox or a bear.  I don’t know.  I try not think about those things.

Anyways, we are walking and she says, “I like how you like to walk on the inside/outside of me”  and I say, “Wait, i’m not on the inside/outside, I’m on the outside/inside.”  I can’t exactly say which word I used and which one she used because that would be unfair in judging the winner.

BTW, I just randomly selected one to go first and then switched them for the other person.  Don’t get too technical about my typing out the scenario, Inspector Gadget

This boggles my mind! So,  I decided to diagram the situation!

As you can now clearly see,  I am on the _______, where she is on the _______.  What do you think?!  Be sure to send this to your friends! The more votes the better!! Also, feel free to comment to explain yourself.



I am no financial planner!

May 26, 2011

I am in fierce debate and dispute over a missing 798 dollar charge to our Verizon bill (some dollar amounts were changed to protect the real identity of the payment amounts). L payed the bill and I payed it too. So we double payed. We overpayed!  So I have been checking our bills and bank account in regards to this charge ever since our wedding in April!  Verison refuses to acknowlege my 798 dollar payment, but they have hers!

I have contacted Verizon multiple times about this disappearing charge and I have sent in proofs of payment and the works! This is a lot of money that is missing from bank account! I need to have this money!!  This is absurd!

That is an ongoing piece of stressful drama in my life as the family accountant!  Then to throw another loop in the jump rope of life, I get a check…yes folks, a check from Arlington County! It simply says that its an Arlington County refund….for 1421 dollars.

Refund???? For what???  I only pay the government one time per year and that’s only the state and the federal.  I never pay the county!

So before cashing this extraordinary check, I decide to do some research to make sure its not a scam…or more importantly to make sure they don’t ask for this money back! Because, I’ll be in jail before I re-refund this 1421 dollars!

So as I’m doing my research, I sign up for this Arlington County payment thing and discover something. Something unbelievable….something so extremely odd that it had to be embarrassingly wrong.  But it wasn’t. It was embarrassing…but definitely not wrong.

I have been paying all of my Verizon Fios payments to the County of Arlington Cable department….

NOT Verizon…

…since November!

So the good people at the Arlington County Treasurers office have been sending me random refunds in the mail, while L and I have been double paying the Verizon bill.

Then the infamous couch peanut gallery (my wife) yesterday of course has the comedic nerve to say, “Do you want me to handle the bills hun?

Don’t call me hun you cheap shot artist!

The good news is we got our 1421 bucks back! Now if I could only find my dignity…

I’ve got jobs!

February 16, 2011

Yes!  The duty train has finally stopped at my destination! L has given me a few nonscrewuppable  (look it up) tasks for me to complete for the wedding.

I must say, they are pretty big deals too! I got a few things for the guests, a few things for us, and of course the music.

I am very happy to take on these things only because I know it’ll relieve some of her stress and I am ALL about that! (Its in my contract to say that). 

She has been pretty stressed lately but I’m proud of all of the many hats she has been wearing lately, which is far more than anyone realizes!! It actually inspires me to take on more responsibility and help out my star teammate.

I did dishes yesterday! Er…more like ‘dish’. I finished laundry and folded it! Yes I did! All by byself! I even got the mail! Well…I do that everyday but….yeah. its hard for me to help out because my work day is nearly 12 hrs with travel time, but I try!

Either way I am well on my way to becoming the supporting role player/husband. Let’s be real, husbands may get the glory, but the wives do all the work. I just hope I can get a few assists here and there throughout my playing career! Maybe even get a few double-doubles!

Wedding show > football???

January 25, 2011

If you follow my life then you know that I am a huge football fan. To the point where I demanded that our wedding be scheduled during the spring or summer. Well Sunday 2 of the last of three games were played. Big, no… huge games. Starting at 3 pm.

Saturday, L asks me if we can go to a wedding show on sunday….football sunday…at noon. Now some would say that is plenty of time…I say that is cutting it pretty close. Maybe too close.

But of course I still agree to serve my fiance-ly duties and attend the show. Let me tell you…exciting stuff!

We get to the hotel where it is being held and the parking garage is packed and they are demanding that I pay seven dollars to park. Robbery!

We get there early so we can hopefully leave early. We follow the small gaggle of excited women who are all dragging their reluctant beloveds  behind them. Then a lady asks us if we are the bride and groom. L says yes and grabs some card or something, and a pencil and puts on a sticker. I just stand there…..then I remember, oh! I am the groom (oops).

So we proceed through the maze of people and stop about 200 people deep into this line. And wait. Ugh. All I can think about is how long this line is and how we are never going to be done here and how a cold energy drink would make this all better…but … I don’t have one.

Much to my surprise the line moves pretty quickly! I forgot the other awesome part of being a bride. Bridesmaids! Most other women had like 5 girls with them not getting married so it made it move through quicker!

Then I made a comment I probably shouldn’t have made. I said, “Maybe you should have brought your friends along.

Cold, deathly,  silence.

At that moment everyone disappeared. It was just me and my comment….dancing in this blizzard of a convention hall. Thinks fast fool…think!

I’m going to go to the ATM ago we can buy raffle tickets.

I ran to the atm…girls like money so give her money…that was my solution. Not a very good long term solution…but a solution to sst the least.

When I got back and threw a 20 dollar bill at her, things started to warm up again.

We get in and eat some banana cake. It was amazing. I love banana anything…especially banana pudding, and L knows this. Then we walk around this bride fest for a while and luckily we have no need for a lot of the booths. Like photography because our photographer is the amazing and talented Irene Abdou (, and Other booths were for dj guys (check), cake people (check), part favors (check), and honeymoon destinations and packages…now we are talking!

We put our raffle tickets in the boxes for those drawings and I am pretty sure we will not win. I don’t win anything unless I have some affect on how much effort goes into it…like sports.  I don’t think L realizes this yet, but we wasted our time filing out those raffle cards.

That remind me..we had an argument about that while e were there! She writes really fast and in big bubble letters. Therefore her Ps look like Ds. Not good when you are entering to win stuff and the vendor can’t read it. Of course I open my big mouth and point this out to her and I get shoved into the bull pit of filling out cards for the rest of the time. Strike 2!

We continue walking and passing buy booth a after booth of stuff we don’t need! Yes!

Finally we come to to the end. I look st my watch….12:30!  We were only there for 30 minutes! I almost sprinted out of that bridezilla fest I was so happy!

Later, L was sending emails to some of her clients that won a prize for her business and I heard music to my ears.

L: “Can you read this email address for me? Is that an l our an I?
G: “I have no idea baby, she should have written more legibly.



She is funny! …today

January 25, 2011

L made a funny today! We were debating doing the peapod Giant delivery service. Figure out who was on which side…

L: Its free the first 60 days!
G: Do we really need it though? Ill just go get the groceries.
L: Are you going to get everything on the list this time?

….ouch. I just got open hand slapped in front of all my friends. She wins.

Picture this…

January 12, 2011

L is walking down the aisle in her stunning gown. Her hair ribboning around her face, framing a masterpiece that belongs on the roof of a chapel. Stride after stride, tears flow without resolve as she passes. A cloud of love is the only thing separating her from destiny as she floats closer to him. Angels sing a jealous tune as they try to compete with her majesty. She reaches the end of her journey and turns to her father. He reluctantly releases his nurturing grip on the pride and joy of his soul and kisses her on the cheek before departing. The angel in disguise turns to face her future…the dream was to be no more. Reality would now take over and build a sweeter story than either of them had ever imagined. Her, balancing in her glow of magnificence, and him leaning on crutches, in a walking boot, arm sling, and wobbly from the the pain medication.

Not a pretty picture right? Well half of it was. This awful ending to a beautiful picture is why I will not be going snowboarding this winter. I thought long and hard about it, and that would not be a smart decision. Last year I swear I broke my tailbone. I was in excruciating pain for months. This year I am wiser but bolder. I would definitely do more damage, I am sure of it.

Remember when you took senior pictures and there was that one kid who sneaks in the middle finger? Everyone thinks its funny except for one person… the principal.  L is the principal, and I do not want to be the middle finger kid.

I know L is happy to hear that I am making smart(er) decisions but my fun side is screaming “booooring! Boooring! ” that side is an idiot. He doesn’t know what’s good for him in the long run

This is all part of Operation Doolittle. This is where I simply try to do as little as possible to cause stress and anxiety (and embrarrassment) to L before our wedding day.  I will never be Sarah Palin with my “common sense” but I can find a “good judgement mechanism” somewhere deep (deeeep) inside.

*sigh* I better get searching!

What is wrong with me?

January 4, 2011

First off. Happy new year, merry Christmas (not xmas by the way. Its not malcolm Xs birthday), and happy Chanukah, and every other holiday. More about that later, but first. A question:

What is wrong with me?

My brother sister and fiancee all have businesses they have established or are working to establish. I have nothing so far. Nothing at all but a regular ol (stressful) job. So I decided to put some effort into creating something of my own. I don’t want to release my idea yet but I don’t expect it to be very lucrative.

It is really just something that I have dreamt up and designed and thought about and lived, for over 10 years. Maybe even since I was a kid and saw my dad do it.

So I told L my idea (in sales pitch form) and hoped that she would see my excitement. I talked excitedly about it for about 5 minutes like a yard cat in heat. Maybe a little longer. Then she looks up at me, and so politely says,

“Good, just get your explanation a little shorter”

How does she do that? ? !

If L tells a story that has more than one extra unnecessary fact our detail, I tune out. If she throws in one name I don’t recognize, she loses me. One story that doesn’t end with an unbelievable bang or OMG inducing finale,  I get angry.   If the story drags on for too long, I interrupt her and tell her to”hustle this thing along”,  which I want to say is the WORST thing you could ever do.

How do women sit through a boring terrible story and not go completely berserk in the middle!

And more importantly, what’s wrong with me that I can’t!