Help settle our argument!

February 2, 2012

This past weekend, we went for a walk (like an old married couple).  While on our walk we got into a hilarious but heated argument!  We both were adament about the other being wrong.  We didn’t really care about being right…I just know she’s wrong!  And, she knows I’m wrong.  See where this is going!? So as we break into full out laughter walking down the street, we decide to let my 7,000 readers be the judge of who is right and who is wrong!

FIrst off, let me explain the argument.  I have this thing where I like to walk on the side of L that is closest to the danger zone! In this case, the street is the danger zone as we walk down the sidewalk.  On the other side of L is some harmless woods and a field in this particular case.  Nothing dangerous except for a dead carcass or two. And maybe a fox or a bear.  I don’t know.  I try not think about those things.

Anyways, we are walking and she says, “I like how you like to walk on the inside/outside of me”  and I say, “Wait, i’m not on the inside/outside, I’m on the outside/inside.”  I can’t exactly say which word I used and which one she used because that would be unfair in judging the winner.

BTW, I just randomly selected one to go first and then switched them for the other person.  Don’t get too technical about my typing out the scenario, Inspector Gadget

This boggles my mind! So,  I decided to diagram the situation!

As you can now clearly see,  I am on the _______, where she is on the _______.  What do you think?!  Be sure to send this to your friends! The more votes the better!! Also, feel free to comment to explain yourself.



Marriage is an experiment, we are the scientists

November 18, 2010

Me and my brother were talking  the other day and he simply said, “Love and marriage is a never ending experiment and we are the scientists“.

That may not mean too much to you guys, but to mean that sums it up perfectly!  I mean, we really don’t know what will come of anything we do in any relationship.  That’s part of the excitement though.  Scientists don’t become scientists unless they love the excitement of unveiling the unexpected.  I mean, there are some things that have already been tested by other fools scientists, like cheating and infidelity.  I know what will happen.  I will lose half  of everything I ever earned, and everything I ever wanted (L).  I dare not test that theory.

I don’t know however, what would happen if I came home with a puppy for instance.  Would L think “OMG, he loves me enough to buy me a puppy and the puppy will become part of our family and we will love him forever and ever.”  That is very possible, but not very probable…YET!  She grew up with puppys so I don’t know. She very well could…….I’m suddenly realizing how terribly awful this example is.

The real point is this.  We will face adversity in nearly every part of our lives.  We aren’t going to know the answers.  We aren’t going to know reasons why.  But we know, we are committed to this thing called love and this lifelong experiment of marriage.  We are going to find ways to make it work, because that’s our goal and our passion.

With me and L’s situation, we both love to shop!  Well…she loves to shop as is evident by her looking at online shopping websites….EVERY DAY(just kiddin’ babe, I know you rest on Sundays).  But, we don’t really make a lot of money.  I mean we make enough to live in swanky super cool Ballston, but not enough to live in Ballston AND online shop daily.  I know what we have to do, I know that more money needs to be made because we have plans, and dreams, and things that we want to do!  Personally, I want 42 kids.  I don’t know how much 42 kids will cost us, but I know I was probably pretty dang expensive (right mom?).

So, I need to get things brewing in my mental lab and figure out how exactly I’m going to make money so L and I can buy a home in The Hamptons with 44 rooms (one for us, and another one for my man cave)!  Let me know if you guys have any ideas.


October 5, 2010


For the first time I think I am really succumbing to my stress. Stress for me is something other people talk about but I am the type of person that gets stressed then goes to my stress reliever and then it is all gone before anyone ever even notices.

I believe that we all need to desperately have and rely on these stress relievers in our time of greatest need! In the last two months my stress levels have been through the roof! Worst of all, for different reasons I haven’t been able to go to my stress relievers. I think I need to find some new ones! Here’s what I do to relieve stress…what do you guys do to relieve stress??

– Run, lift weights, sweat it out, preferably with L!
– Mountain Biking
– Read (anything but books for school)
– Shopping for and with L
Tennis with L
– Playing with my nephew!
– Listen to music
– Find new groups and artists to listen to and become obsessed with. (Listen to The Script, Johnny Craig, Chiddy Bang, and Bridgett Kelly…they’re all great!)
– Try and learn something new
– Cooking
– Watch sports (Weekday hockey is amazing and makes weekdays bearable)
– XBox360!!
– My favorite thing to do to relax is to simply….nothing. I prefer to simply lay down and do absolutely nothing. Its the most relaxing thing in the world. But even when my body is off, my mind stays on high alert. Not fun. And I don’t have the luxury to do this anymore because I am a grown-up (so they say).

So my question is, how do you relax and destress because I clearly need some new methods!

Why should I get married: Complaint calls to Verizon

September 23, 2010

Verizon didn’t have a chance!  Our internet has been out for 5 days (againwhich is why I haven’t been colorizing and what not to the recent posts).   So I get ready to call them to schedule an appointment to have them fix it on Sunday. They made it  clear that someone has to come out to fix it…fair enough.  Just please don’t offer me times that most of America works:

Sir, we can have someone come out tomorrow (Monday) between he hours of 9am and 9pm
You’re kidding  right?
Well we have Tuesday and Wednesday between 8am and 12pm
Look, I work, and I don’t have a car.
We can send you a text when they are on their way.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t clear.  I work in another state, and I take the metro. That wont work.
Sorry sir, that’s the only times we can come out.
So what are my options?
I don’t know sir.
Me neither, connect me to cancellations. I’m done win you guys.
She then puts me through and the wait time is 30 minutes to cancel service.  I am not wasting another 60 minutes of my cell hours on Verizon! Done! I hang up.

Enter L two days later(Tuesday) on the phone with Verizon customer support.

Hello? Yes, I need to talk to someone higher up.  You can’t help me.”  This is pretty much how she started the conversation (lol).  “Yes ma’am, we haven’t had internet for 3 days and we have called and I am not going to go through your troubleshooting spiel again.  I know what you are going to say like the back of my hand and its not going to work so I need to talk to someone higher because you can’t help me.  No offense to you, I just am not going to go through this again.

This is when I fire up XBox realizing my job is done.  This is like a running back carrying the ball 70 yards down the field on 10 carries and then the coach calling in reliable fullback to plow it into the endzone!  Touchdown!  ….actually it’s more like, the starting quarterback getting sacked, breaking his tailbone, getting carted off the field to a crowd full of boos, and the rookie QB taking over and upsetting the number 1 team in the country (I’m the one with the broken tailbone btw).

We now have an official call and complainer for the family.  I don’t have to worry about anything anymore. She was very polite though. She called the lady ma’am and everything!

Then she got a hold of a guy named Ken who she immediately verifies that he was the correct person to be talking to. “Are you the highest up hat I can to about this situation?

Now I don’t know if you guys can understand the transformation that happened on the phone. She used grown up words, spoke clearly, and she made sense!  When she talks to me, I don’t know, maybe she gets nervous but she makes words up that sound smart, by aren’t really words.  Or she will misuse a word in the wrong context or definition.  But not with Verizon.

She used words like consistently unreliable. And unaccptable service and baffling and ridiculously outrageous maybe even threw an inconceivably incompetent in there…then again, maybe I’m misremembering (this is a word she probably made up and now I have been trained to believe it is a real word).

The main point is that she did a great job with the task that I obviously failed at. I hereby hand over all complaint call duties to my future wife.  *cheers*

Why do guys lie

September 14, 2010

There comes a time in every conversation wig a woman where we have to make a decision on whether to lie or tell the truth.  This moment happens whether we want it to or not.  It just does!

Now, many of us good wholesome guys tell the truth.  Some brave naive foolish men lie.  That lie is followed by immediate regret because 1) men are terrible liars and 2) woman are walking skeptics and are the basset hounds of lies.

The first thing a woman will ask when they catch a guy in a lie is “why did you just lie?

Now everything in us rushes to our brain and we reminded of when we were kids and our mothers asked us the same question.  Unfortunately, we didn’t have a good answer then, but it’s the best option…so we blurt it out…

I don’t know!

Well, we do know, and I am here to tell you why men lie:

  • We are afraid of you! – Not physically, but emotionally afraid.  Afraid of you yelling at us and then us saying things we would REALLY regret (No, that doesn’t mean that we really mean them if we say them in the heat of the moment.  It just means that we were cornered.  No I’m not comparing you to a rabid dog, that’s not what I meant.  I know that’s what it sounded like but….  Well yeah, I know it’s our own fault but, we can’t help it.  True, we are adults and not children but…..SEE!  THIS IS WHY WE ARE AFRAID OF YOU!)
  • We have it implanted in our heads that you won’t believe us – This is probably because even when we do tell the truth, we may slip a small (irrelevant) lie in there, and you detect it and therefore discredit the entire story!  It’s really our own fault, but we don’t see it that way.
  • When we lie we usually lie to end a story or divert attention from the real scenario – This could possibly be because we simply don’t want to talk about it.  I know you guys don’t understand that part about men not wanting to gossip, complain, or focus on details, but it’s in our genetic makeup.
  • Your questions are always loaded questionsEXAMPLE:  “Was she hot?” <~loaded question.  If we say yes, then you will compare yourself to her silently or possibly ask “what is so hot about her?” if you disagree.  Then we have to verbally explain why we think she is hot.  You will then assume or notice that you are not those things and therefore incorrectly assume that you are NOT hot.  Therefore….we just answer “No“.
  • We do it to protect our investment – We have a lot invested in our relationships.  Rocking the boat could be disastrous for our future!  We gotta make sure NOT to cause problems in the future for ourselves.  By lying, we actually do the exact opposite.  We cause many more problems for ourselves.
  • We are afraid to see you cry – We don’t understand female emotions.  We never will.  We don’t try.  Maybe that’s part of the problem, but trust me it’s better this way.  When you begin to cry because we are disagreeing on the color of a couch cushion, we begin to panic.  So we lie, and say “Yes honey, that is Alaska Summer Sky” when it is obviously just a light red.
  • Lastly, men lie, because we really really care about youWe don’t want to see you cry.  We don’t want you to think that you aren’t as hot as the other girl just because we think she is cute.  We don’t want you to think that we don’t want to tell you all the details of our day, we’d just rather watch the game.  We don’t want you to think that we don’t care about anything you say, we just don’t care about Susie from work, or Clarence from accounting.  We don’t want you to think that you’re fat, because we love it when you’re confident in yourself!

Hikin’ Part Deaux

September 10, 2010

What do you wanna do today
I don’t care“, as I look at the clock.  11am.  That give me at least 5 hours before the football game at 4pm.
Wanna go to Great Falls and go hiking
I thought no way, then I paused….remembered out last hiking trip (no pun intended), and said,
Yeah, sure!

First off, we all remember the first hiking adventure right?  It was fantastically amusing.  So we pack the car and head down Old Georgetown Rd. in Va. We turn onto some other road and hit traffic.  Fun.  Apparently, Labor day hiking and picnicking at Great Falls is one of the busiest days of the year.

After 20 minutes of sitting on a two lane road to get in, the gate park ranger guy screams out “GO TERPS!” Oh yeah!!  We park and take a peak at the map.  We decided to go down Potowmack trail or something and then hop on River Trail so we can be closer to the river.

We come to the first sign and L looks at me and says, “which way?“….two minutes ago we had just decided on Potowmack Trail.    I just point to the sign and say “this way“.   We decide to detour and check out the overlook before we really get on the trail.  On the way down, there’s a sign that says “7 people die of drownings every year“.  Good to know.

We look over the edge and there is a guy in the water pulling his wife (or very serious girlfriend I hope) in waist high rapids UP the river while she sits in the kayak.  Another two guys are down on the rocks walking around in their backpacks.  I turn to L and say, “Well we found our 7 drownings for the year!  My one goal in life is to not be a death statistic.”  My goal in life is to NOT become a death statistic.  Especially not in a public place.

We turn and go back to the trail that we just turned off of and L goes, “Which way?”  … again….Potowmack Trail…I point at the sign … again and go “this way“.  Right about now I’m thinking to myself is she just joking with me?

We start walking down a trail and finally come across some big rocks on the trail!  This is what hiking is all about!  Not to L, she finds every flat piece of dirt in between the rocks to walk on.  I suddenly realize that, I am hiking…she is walking.

“Granted she does have a broken foot but she is doing well for her so far.  We hit a rough patch where we actually had to climb rocks and here I was all go!  “Wait, can we take a break?A BREAK!!! We are in the middle of the best part of the walk hike!

Long story, short!  We hiked 3.5 miles on a beautiful day and at the end we both agreed that we had a blast!  We will definitely be going again…maybe this weekend (HINT)!  If only I could get her up before 9am on the weekends we could make a morning out of it!

Sidenote:  We both were waiting for someone to trip.  It never happened…we both stayed on our feet the whole time!  at one point, we came across some high grass and she started walking briskly, but there was no way she was going to run again! 🙂

I’m dating the starting quarterback!!

September 10, 2010

OK.  I have written about a lot of irrelevant, selfish topics that have yet to arrive at my apartment (Trivia: how wide is a dream? 50 inches) . Therefore, I decided to write about something related to relationships.

I have been in quite a few in the past (my roommates referred to them collectively as G’s Girls). Most were bad but some of them were great (at the time). Only one is going to end up in marriage.  Why is that?  Well, I will give you some reasons why a few of them failed.  Luckily, none of them will be reading this. This might be TMI, but we are all friends here right?!

– Ex GF-A once argued with me for 15 minutes about whether a certain Maryland Basketball player was starting that day or not.  15 minutes later (when the game began) he was starting. I won. Instead of admitting defeat, she muted MY TV and watched Blue Crush at full volume. I hate that movie to this day.

– Ex GF-B told me she kissed my best friend.  I forgave them both.
– Ex GF-B hung up on me. I threw my phone against the wall and scared my roommates half to death.  I walked to her dorm and she kicked me out. I cried (I was 19).
– Ex GF-A did drugs…a lot…(I did not partake)
– Ex GF-C yelled at me when she asked me to work out with her at the gym.
– Ex GF-D was reading my email one day. I asked what she was doing and she replied “reading your email” …………….this really happened.
– Ex GF-C hacked into my myspace account. Then denied it.
– Ex GF-C called me at work to yell at me about the previous point.  Again she thought she did nothing wrong by hacking into my account
– Ex GF-E called me to tell me her ex bf was downstairs at her house and they just kissed. We hung up and she called later to tell me that after we hung up, they did “other things”……again this really happened.
– Ex UnofficalGF – met her husband on a family vacation a week after we left school.  They have three beautiful kids (a happy story!)
– Ex GF-C had a dog. It peed on my TV a hundred times. Maybe more. She thought it was funny.
-Ex GF-E had a younger sister that was more awesome and cuter than her.  Not her fault,but….I dunno, a worthy point.
– Ex GF-E was ashamed to have me as her BF I’m pretty sure. This makes the previous point even more worthy of mentioning
– Ex GF-D made me dinner once from some recipe she saw on tv I think…it was borderline inedible. Banana pudding she made was awesome though.
– Ex GF-D hated when I hung out with my friends.  She tried to stop me from hanging out with my friends.  This made me want to hang out with them even more.

I think that’s enough to talk about  my awful past 🙂  The moral of the post is that, I found someone who I know would never do those things and deep down inside, while these things were happening, I knew they were reasons i should not to be with them.  I couldn’t convince myself of this though.  It’s like being the coach of a good team and having a star QB who is a cocky, egomaniac who goes in the huddle and changes the play so that he can show his athletic prowess once again.  What do you do?  not play them and go with the team player backup QB without the athletic prowess?  Face getting fired, getting booed or even worse, turning your team into a great team.  In the end, you realize that even though you won 8 games, you lost 3 because you didn’t want to play the best player for the team. Play the best QB for the team!

– Current GF/Fiancee/Future wife does none of these things my ex’s did.  This is why she is (dunh dunh dunh!) My starting quarterback!