Navigating the mind of a woman…one tangent at a time

September 18, 2012

So you know what a tangent is right? In case you don’t, it’s a line that touches a circle or curve at one point, making it relevant to the circle or curve (non-mathematical explanation).  Otherwise it wouldn’t be relavant at all. It would just be a line next to a circle.  Well when people go off “on a tangentusually at some point it touches on the point that was originally in focus.  It may go off into lala land thereafter, but at some point, everyone can say “I see where that was relevant

Not with L.

With L, she has her own definition of a conversational tangent.  Case and point.

A few days ago when we were in the car and I was talking about how in college, I downloaded a song which I thought was an R. Kelly song called Chocolate Factory.  Instead I got the Veggie Tales version and when it came on, my friends would make fun of me.  I laughed, she laughed and immediately said the following…(please try to follow).

One time in college, me and my roommates were drinking (for story’s sake, she was of age, they weren’t) in the room and this RA had a crush on me, and he said he was coming down so we had to hide the bottles.  So, we stupidly hid them in paper bags in the middle of the floor!  Then when he came in, one of us bumped the bags and the bottle fell over.  So I said to the RA, “You didn’t hear anything, everything is just fine“.  And he kinda looked at me and said, “You girls be safe!” and I said, “We are!  We are just going down to Lucky’s and then coming right back home

End of story

This is about the point where I nearly explode because I realized halfway through that this story was headed off the highest cliff in conversation history!  I also could tell that she knew that as well.  She refused to look at me, and just waited for me to burst into laughter (which I did)

So remember I talked about how the tangent touches the original story at one point….I HAD to know where her story was related.  Her answer:

“You said in college, and then that reminded me of something that happened in college”

HAHA!  WHAT!?  That is great!  The mind of a woman is a laser maze of tangents.  I’m just Catherine Zeta-Jones, trying to navigate my way through safely.


Valentine’s day…3 years ago

February 14, 2012

3 years ago today, we took a leap and had our first date on Valentine’s Day.  Something happened that day that I will never be able to explain…nor will I ever try.  Thank you and I love you.  I wrote you this as I remember that day…

I stand there in the mall, leaning on the pole with all the weight of my nervous anticipation that the concrete column could bear.  My normally able legs tremble with every heel click coming from around the corner.  The corner that I know will present you in only a matter of time.  The corner that will deliver months of hidden smiles and hopeful conversations.  

I wonder if you will see me or my detonated heart first.  Only my rib cage holding it back from exploding.  My cloak of confidence could be snatched away at the first sight if I dont maintain my composure.  So I unbutton another button on my polo.  That should distract you slightly, I think.  I suddenly find it funny that I choose to hide my apprehension with a distracting display of false confidence.

I have no clue what I am nervous about or what I am thinking about so I try to shut my mind off, but only long enough to hear another set of heels clicking from down the hidden mall corridor.  My fingers find themselves re-buttoning my shirt to regain modesty as my legs begin to boil with exhaustive energy.  

I check my watch.  It’s still early.  I don’t know you well, but I know you wont be late.  And for some reason, this makes me glad that I am here early.  In fact, I think to myself that you’ve probably been sitting in your car for the last 10 minutes, planning your escape route in case I’m not who I said I am.  Or perhaps you’re watching me right now.   

I covertly look around for someone who may resemble what I think you’d look like.  I see an old lady with her grandson looking at books in the bookstore across the hall.  A young girl typing away on her cell phone outside of the restaurant.  Another gentleman nervously bouncing his leg as he waits for someone.

Just as I start to explode with anxiety, I see them. A couple; Holding hands and walking towards the baby store.  One day that will be me.  Us perhaps. Except for the holding hands and walking towards a baby store part.  But I can see myself with someone else. Walking. As a couple.  That’s why I’m here, right?  I turn back to the man sitting on the couch waiting for someone.  He gets up and walks into the bar alone.  Maybe he isn’t waiting for someone. That could be me also if I’m not careful.

Just as I start to relax I hear the sound of heels again and my stomach drops to my knees before springing back up to my chin.  I tune in to the sound from around the corner and try not to stare too hard at it from the corner of my eye.  I can’t see you yet but I know its you because your aura precedes you.

Like fanfare, your heels announce comfort and an allure that’s been missing for years.  Spine melting giggles and a staggering smile are all that I will be blinded by for the next three hours.  The rest of my senses will be puppeted by your presence.  I have no clue what I am in for but your hypnotic glow will erase all doubts along with the memory of their presence.  

Like a flash of lightning your smile disarms me of any diffidence and show me the answer to any dismay. As you get closer and your hazel eyes welcome me to paradise, my mind goes blank and I peel myself from the precarious spot against the pole.  Your smile knocks my confidence askew and I freeze trying to speak.  The closer you get, the less I can remember, the more I lose consciousness of, and the greater my stability sways. Suddenly you sing me your name and my mind goes numb.  

But I know I will never be the same.


Help settle our argument!

February 2, 2012

This past weekend, we went for a walk (like an old married couple).  While on our walk we got into a hilarious but heated argument!  We both were adament about the other being wrong.  We didn’t really care about being right…I just know she’s wrong!  And, she knows I’m wrong.  See where this is going!? So as we break into full out laughter walking down the street, we decide to let my 7,000 readers be the judge of who is right and who is wrong!

FIrst off, let me explain the argument.  I have this thing where I like to walk on the side of L that is closest to the danger zone! In this case, the street is the danger zone as we walk down the sidewalk.  On the other side of L is some harmless woods and a field in this particular case.  Nothing dangerous except for a dead carcass or two. And maybe a fox or a bear.  I don’t know.  I try not think about those things.

Anyways, we are walking and she says, “I like how you like to walk on the inside/outside of me”  and I say, “Wait, i’m not on the inside/outside, I’m on the outside/inside.”  I can’t exactly say which word I used and which one she used because that would be unfair in judging the winner.

BTW, I just randomly selected one to go first and then switched them for the other person.  Don’t get too technical about my typing out the scenario, Inspector Gadget

This boggles my mind! So,  I decided to diagram the situation!

As you can now clearly see,  I am on the _______, where she is on the _______.  What do you think?!  Be sure to send this to your friends! The more votes the better!! Also, feel free to comment to explain yourself.

 


Home Alone

July 17, 2011

L is away this whole weekend and will be again next weekend.  I can honestly say that I don’t know anything about how to live on my own anymore.  I mean, I did it for 2 years before we met and while I was at college, I did it then as well.  But I have been spoiled with this whole marriage thing for….months now.  I don’t know exactly what I should do with myself and my grumbling tummy.

I mean,  don’t know exactly how to eat without L telling me.  I just got a text that says “Go get something to eat.”  DONE

Now….where should I go…..

Oh yeah, I’m back and I’m blogging again.  It’s going to be cool and edgy, like a knife in a freezer baby!  Notice the changes in the layout.