I am no financial planner!

May 26, 2011

I am in fierce debate and dispute over a missing 798 dollar charge to our Verizon bill (some dollar amounts were changed to protect the real identity of the payment amounts). L payed the bill and I payed it too. So we double payed. We overpayed!  So I have been checking our bills and bank account in regards to this charge ever since our wedding in April!  Verison refuses to acknowlege my 798 dollar payment, but they have hers!

I have contacted Verizon multiple times about this disappearing charge and I have sent in proofs of payment and the works! This is a lot of money that is missing from bank account! I need to have this money!!  This is absurd!

That is an ongoing piece of stressful drama in my life as the family accountant!  Then to throw another loop in the jump rope of life, I get a check…yes folks, a check from Arlington County! It simply says that its an Arlington County refund….for 1421 dollars.

Refund???? For what???  I only pay the government one time per year and that’s only the state and the federal.  I never pay the county!

So before cashing this extraordinary check, I decide to do some research to make sure its not a scam…or more importantly to make sure they don’t ask for this money back! Because, I’ll be in jail before I re-refund this 1421 dollars!

So as I’m doing my research, I sign up for this Arlington County payment thing and discover something. Something unbelievable….something so extremely odd that it had to be embarrassingly wrong.  But it wasn’t. It was embarrassing…but definitely not wrong.

I have been paying all of my Verizon Fios payments to the County of Arlington Cable department….

NOT Verizon…

…since November!

So the good people at the Arlington County Treasurers office have been sending me random refunds in the mail, while L and I have been double paying the Verizon bill.

Then the infamous couch peanut gallery (my wife) yesterday of course has the comedic nerve to say, “Do you want me to handle the bills hun?

Don’t call me hun you cheap shot artist!

The good news is we got our 1421 bucks back! Now if I could only find my dignity…

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What?? How dare you!

May 17, 2011

I am the pasta king!  I grew up on ramen noodles…er actually it was oodles of noodles back then!  I can cook them on the stove, microwave, oven, open fire pit, grill, wherever!  I am the pasta King!

I graduated from oodles of noodles to real pasta after college and have perfected creating the perfect noodle! I can cook pasta or noodles with my feet if I had to.

The other day I was making fettucine and chicken alfredo, a personal favorite. I made the noodles last because the sauce needed my full attention.  We got new cookware for the wedding (thank you!!!!) and I’m not fully used to it yet. So…I didn’t put enough water in the pot so the strainer insert was low on water.  So I made the cardinal pasta mistake of adding more water at mid boil…yes…while the noodles were in the pot.  I know, my stomach was screaming “NOOO” the whole time and smacked its forehead when I actually poured it in.

I then cooked the pasta as normal and made cardinal mistake number two…I didn’t taste it. I know!  Nobodys fault but my own!

Then I go and sit down and start eating with L.  L says “Its good!”  Well of course it is, I think to myself. Then after a few moments of silence she goes.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but…the pasta is undercooked.”

What? How dare you! Did you just insult the king’s pasta!!  This just doesn’t happen!  You don’t do that!  It’s rule #1 of living with the King! I mean, there are boundaries, and some you approach closely, but you never cross them.  You just don’t!

Then I remembered rule #1 of living with the queen…and before I could stop myself, my mouth had already reacted.

“Yeah I agree, I was thinking the same thing.”

Rule #1 of living with the Queen: The Queen is always right.


Unbelievable! Outfished by a nonfisher

May 9, 2011

Have you ever taught someone how to do something and then by the end of the lesson they’re so confident that they are better than you that they start to dish out advice?  Yah, meet my wife.

I grew up fishing. When I was three my dad had a few things he wanted me to know how to do: Throw a ball, ride a bike, and fish. For the next 15 years, fishing was my 2nd favorite thing to do right after drumming. When I went away to college I rarely fished again. So Friday I begged L for money to get fishing gear for this year. I built up a mental list in my mind on everything that I needed!  I was ready to say the least. Then as we are getting out of the car and I was on my way to Arundel Mills to buy gear she drops the bomb, “get me a pink or purple pole, please.

Pole??! You mean rod baby!  And pink or purple?  There’s no chance they’re going to have this. Boy was I wrong. I spent the first 15-20 minutes in the Bass Pro Shop sizing up pink and purple rod & reel combos. Ones for breast cancer, some with push buttons and mermaids, some were heavy duty. Unreal!

I finally go around this fisherman’s version of Neiman Marcus and collect all of the goodies I could ever want. I get to the register and watch it slowly climb above my budget. 40 dollars over the limit I try to mentally justify all of my hooks, lures, and shiny new purchases…finally I just decide that I have to make sure L enjoys fishing so she forgets about the budget.

Saturday comes, and its time to fish. We get a boat, motor, battery and a dozen nightcrawlers (worms) for her. “I’m not touching those!”, I heard at least a dozen times over the next 4 hours. We push off of land and out across the lake. She asks what kinda fish are in the lake. I tell her largemouth & smallmouth bass, gar, crappie, bluegill or sunfish, trout, & catfish.  Then she says, “I don’t want to catch a catfish! They are scary and ugly.”  Whatever…

I bait her hook and she casts out and promptly tangles her reel beyond recognition.  Twenty seconds and my plans are ruined.  There’s fishing line everywhere!  I haven’t even casted myself yet. I conclude that we are going to have to restring her reel mid boat trip…then suddenly her bobber disappears…..and doesn’t come back.

There we are, broken reel, its starting to rain, I haven’t even casted yet, string everywhere and something is taking off with her line.  Great.  She gets excited and starts pulling her rod in the air…this does nothing obviously.  And so I yank it up manually, the whole time thinking its a bass because it pulled it so deep down…but then its not fighting at all…this could only be one fish 🙂

Ahh is that a catfish? Ahh! Are you going to bring it in the boat? Don’t bring it in the boat! I’m not touching it!

I then wrap the towel (that I wisely and strategically brought along with us) around the catfish and hand it to L. I then show her how to remove the hook and she immediately throws that sucker back and is grinning from ear to ear at the fish she didn’t want to catch. Figures…

So I fix her reel and giver her more instruction and finally get to cast my line out a few times. I get one bite, weakly set the hook, amd the fish gets off. That concludes the action for G on the afternoon. L proceeds to catch another bluegill later in the afternoon and then the advice begins flow like Mississippi river.

L: Sorry little guy, we didn’t mean to hurt you.
Me: Hey, stop talking to the fish, we are trying to catch them
L: You are trying. I’m catching.  You have to be one with nature.

Here we go…I thought she would start getting cocky after maybe her second or third time fishing…not after the second fish!..the first one was even an accident!

This is my life.  My wife thinks she is now sponsored by the outdoor life network.  Maybe I overspent and I need to go get the purple “pole” for myself.


How much candy is too much candy?

May 5, 2011

We had a candy bar at our wedding and we bought 50 lbs of candy. Apparently that was about 42 pounds too much! I didn’t know this, but people like alcohol bars much more than they like candy bars. but still, people only filled up the little bags we gave them….but I was expecting people to be like me, and literally tilt the bowl over into their mouths like I did.

So now we have about 10 pounds of candy sitting around. I know for a fact that I will develop at least 6 cavities from this. I don’t care. But i’m starting to get scared. Am I eating too much candy? Are my teeth honestly going to rot and fall out?! I’m beginning to worry and fret. I don’t want a barrage of sugar demons attacking my poor teeth! I already chipped one trying to rip a can open like my buddy showed me (I failed).

So really, how much candy is too much candy? I have about 3 lbs of gummy bears left to eat and I’m not sure I can make it all the way through them! But if they are here, I will definitely try!

HELP!


Season ending heartbreak

May 5, 2011

Well…..the season is over which means that my heart is broken. I have been a fan of local teams for years. I wore number 28 my whole playing career because of Darrell Green. I thought basketball was called Georgetown until I was in kidergarten. I played shortstop because of Cal Ripken. But I must say that even through the national championship and bowl games I was a part of at Maryland, this was my favorite season as a fan of the Washington Capitals.

I have watched nearly every game this season and I loved every second of it. Those who have followed me on twitter have come to expect some angry fan rants, as well as some fun comments involving our players. For you all just now getting to eperiene my fun….stay tuned!  Just wait til u see what I am like when there are no sports around to disttract me from my thoughts!

Now that the season and the wedding are over, we have a few more fun things to focus on.  Best summarized with the word “dread”. I’m married now so I have the pleasant daily thoughts of looking towards the future. I don’t eactly know what that means but its starting to neatly come into view. Here is a glimpse into the the mind of G in regards to….the future:

– Should I write a book??
– Should we buy a house or rent another year and continue to save money.
– Should we buy another car to ease the pain of my daily commute.
– Where do we want to travel?
– What are the plans for trying to start a family (no input needed from peanut gallery on this one…we have talked about this plenty!)
– Should I join the military and turn into an elite commando and hunt down flighty terrorist? (Kinda kidding)
– Should I try to start my own business to go along with L’s succeeding business?
– Should I quit my job and refuse to work in hopes of L accepting my true dream of becoming a full time dad.
– Should I try to coach football again?
– How should I make this blog even better?

So many questions. I’m glad that I will now have all time that I will need to answer them all. Feel free to chime in if you have some information that may be helpful. Or just a novice opinion of your own. I enjoy opinions!


Sick Six for May 3rd….posted on May 4th

May 4, 2011

Birdpaula – Give in to love

Nice flowy easy calming song.  Like a good version of Colbie Caillat.  Makes me wanna follow directions and give in to love…BUT I WILL NEVER!!!

Skylar Grey – Love the way you lie

NOT the version you know with Eminem.  This is all Skylar! What a beautiful voice…She could sing to the wind and I’ll fall asleep I swear.  Don’t judge me!  I’m easily pleased!

Chris Brown ft Justin Bieber – Next 2 U

This song is pretty good!  Bieber can actually sing.  Not gonna hate too hard on him…at least he is better than Hannah Montana.  It’s a little awkward hearing him sing about having “your eyes on a little me” though.  He’s only 12.  But then again, babies having babies is the new cool thing to do.

Big Bamboo Jamaican Calypso

Hilarious.  We heard this on the bus ride in Jamaica on our way to the hotel.  I was so tired and agitated…but I couldn’t help but laugh the whole time.

Lupe Fiasco – Little Weapon

Rap song.  But it doesn’t have any cursing in it (I don’t believe) The intro lyrics are powerful about kids and gun violence here in the states and in war torn countries.  They don’t know any better and it shows the beginning of gang banging and civil war in countries from the eyes of the kid.  One of my favorite rap songs lyrically.  Don’t want to listen?  Then please just read it.   http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lupefiasco/littleweapon.html

Adele – I Found A Boy 

This song is fantastic.  Powerful.  Adele has one of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard….and I’m sure you’ve heard it all before from me, but just listen.  Wow.  If I had a daughter, I hope this is her theme song after a breakup.


Done with the remote?

May 1, 2011

So, I turn around to see if L is sleep so that I can change the channel to the show that I want to watch.  Her eyes are closed, so I ask:

Done with the remote?

L’s eyes pop open and she immediately responds as if she had it queued up and ready to go, “Just until the ads are up!

…first of all. “the ads“?  what is it 1960? !  Second of all, I’ve never seen someone so protective of the remote control! I couldn’t help but laugh.