Too little, too late?

February 16, 2011

Did you screw up Valentine’s day??

Well somebody did, cuz they got to my site by Googling, “How not to screw up Valentine’s Day” . . . On the day after Valentine’s Day! Another guy visited by Googling ” how to make up for screwing up valentines day“.

My heart goes out to these poor fellas. They probably have  sore backs, no tissues or toilet paper in the house (because they’ve been used to soak up all of his wifes tears), and they probably won’t get get a square meal for at least a month.

Well if you really screwed things up, here are a few of my previous go tos that can sometimes help relieve the swelling after the blow (I’m perfect so I no longer need these):

Jewelery – I know we all were hoping this would not be on the list, but it is.  Good news is, women have accepted and actually encourage this as a makeup gift. Its a story piece they can tell their friends about, and its guaranteed to be something, nice expensive, and what they want. Guys, please don’t get her an emerald and say its her birthstone if she were born in August. Do your research this time.

Pampering session – Normally you could get away with sending her to the spa.  If you missed Valentine’s Day, sending her somewhere else for someone to do your job, is strike 2 and possibly a permanent strike.  Get some oils (not olive or vegetable please), and a Luther Vandross CD ( or Tape/record if you’re old school) and some candles.  Buy some cheap old roses and spread them around (in easy to clean places) and watch the waterworks flow.  DVR the game and tend to her every need for a few hours. You will have to apologize to make this one work, but it could be a cheaper alternative to a great night for both!

Makeup Dinner – This is going to cost you.  You will lose a weekend night, at least 150 dollars on food and champagne/wine/valet and you will have to listen to her talk about whatever she wants for 4 hours. This dinner has to be at a high class spot, and you must insist that she dress up.  Make it feel like a date from your distant past where you picked her up, and wore your Sunday best. Trust me, getting your bed back will make it well worth the trouble.  Just ask your aching back.

First date redo – Remember your first date? Was it fun?  If so, redo it.  Get reservations at the same restaurant and request the same table or section you had on your 1st. Did you go hiking? Replay that if its a nice day or weekend. Did you get in a car accident and shatter your dates nose? Then redo it with one of my fabulous first date ideas! Did you forget your wallet and she had to pay for dinner ( Mr. L! 🙂 ) maybe you could relive that moment too, al though it may not be as entertaining this time around. (Great way to guarantee a second date though! Genius!)

Lastly

Sacrifice – You’re going to have to go drastic.  You’re going to have to take her somewhere she has been wanting to go, do something she’s been wanting to do, or buy something you can’t afford.  Like with most of the other suggestions, this requires that you have been paying attention at some point int he past.  I’m talking Trip out of country, tickets to see a play/musical, or a small shopping spree.

You now see, a little preparation goes a long way.  Always pay attention if only for a little bit. you never know when you’ll need it.


I’ve got jobs!

February 16, 2011

Yes!  The duty train has finally stopped at my destination! L has given me a few nonscrewuppable  (look it up) tasks for me to complete for the wedding.

I must say, they are pretty big deals too! I got a few things for the guests, a few things for us, and of course the music.

I am very happy to take on these things only because I know it’ll relieve some of her stress and I am ALL about that! (Its in my contract to say that). 

She has been pretty stressed lately but I’m proud of all of the many hats she has been wearing lately, which is far more than anyone realizes!! It actually inspires me to take on more responsibility and help out my star teammate.

I did dishes yesterday! Er…more like ‘dish’. I finished laundry and folded it! Yes I did! All by byself! I even got the mail! Well…I do that everyday but….yeah. its hard for me to help out because my work day is nearly 12 hrs with travel time, but I try!

Either way I am well on my way to becoming the supporting role player/husband. Let’s be real, husbands may get the glory, but the wives do all the work. I just hope I can get a few assists here and there throughout my playing career! Maybe even get a few double-doubles!


Just a little valentines day reminder…

February 14, 2011

If I ever forget. This is why I love you.

When I wake up, no matter what’s bothering me or what’s on my mind, when I kiss you goodbye in the morning my mind is completely freed.

When I lay down at night and think about all I wish I had, and I know I want and all that is missing, I feel you lock fingers with me and I know that I have all that I will ever need.

My smile doesn’t exist unless it has your eyes to see it. My arms wrapping around your neck protect like no lockette or charm ever could.

My heart doesn’t beat unless your touch sets it in rhythm. My stomach boils with pride at the simple way you pick your lips and nervously look into my eyes.

This isn’t a phase or a fad or a spur of the moment love.  This is everything I am and everything I want to be.

Valentine’s Day in 2009 set in motion the reel of my own lifelong happiness. My hollywood perfect picture delivered with no retreat.

Everyday with you is a day full of sunshine. A ray of delivered delight for all to jealously admire.

Perfect from tip to top and remniscent of the last raindrop. You’ve brought joy to my life like I’ve never dreamed possible.

I want for nothing because in you, baby I’ve got everything!

Our crashing lives have created something so beautiful and rare in nature. Just think, this is simple the beginning.  Our rose has its bud but the best it yet to come.

I love you so much boo.

Now let’s make sushi!!!


If you build it, it will come

February 13, 2011

L: Confession:  I like waking up early and actually getting things done on the weekends.

WHOA! Let me repeat that for you all.

I like waking up early and actually getting things done on the weekends

Now, to those of you that don’t know L or don’t read the blog.  This goes against everything that L does, believes, and enjoyed up til this point.  For a year and a half, I tried to get her to get up early.  Even negotiating 10am alarms vs, none at all.  I even threatened to do things without her to no avail. She used to argue, resist and fight with me with a fervor that only a rabid raccoon should be cursed with.

All of a sudden, she enjoys getting up early?  Is this a product of my hard work?  or a temporary false sense of reality.  Is her body just sick of winter and wants to get out?  I dunno.  I really am confused right now.

I don’t know whether to be thoroughly excited or to be suspiciously cautious!  I want to believe this is a permanent feeling that she is having, but I know better than that!  She changes her minds quicker than the city bus comes!

Right now it’s about 8:45am on Sunday and she’s not up yet.  I told her to sleep….let’s see how long she takes that for.


How to NOT screw up valentines day

February 10, 2011

I am good at a lot of things. Screwing up important days is TOP of the list. Lately though I have realized all of the things I have done wrong and compiled them into a list of things to avoid doing or better yet, things to focus on getting done!

The first thing I have to tell you to do is to please pay attention. Its free! Don’t just pay attention to her presence, but to what she is saying, doing, thinking, reading, sighing to…everything! These are all valuable clues in the game of love (oooooh!).

Next is to get or do something for her. I don’t care what she says about the holiday, let her be mad at you because you let her know that you love her a little bit. Yeah “it’s too commercial” but so is that stupid Coach purse and all of the jewelery shops you make me stop in on the way out of the mall.

If you are making reservations at a restaurant, please make them early!   I know for a fact that it will NOT be a good excuse to say that they were all booked.  That just means you were lazy and unprepared.  (I need to make my reservations still…uh oh)

If she says she doesn’t need anything or want anything, that doesn’t mean that she can’t appreciate anything! Maybe she doesn’t want flowers, but maybe she wants a pack of her favorite gummy bears! (awesome)

Sometimes it is the little things that mean the most. We literally have empty picture frames in our house because of their sentimental value. If we could trade “sentimental” at nasdaq it would be worth a fortune.

STORY TIME: One time on the way to an old girlfriends house on Valentines Day adopted and bought crayons, construction paper and glue. I made the most makeshift card of all time. Threw some pink hearts and a few XOs in there and let it ride….waterworks. She was crying for hours like I had slaved over that thing for days. Just imagine if I had actually tried!

If you take her to dinner, go with an open mind and an open wallet…It’s OK to bring a coupon, that is actually smart. Just don’t deny her anything she wants at the restaurant.

Don’t say anything negative for one night. Shut your fat mouth for once. just let her be perfect for a day. Let the bills linger and the workday be over and politics be dismissed. Just be nice (it’s a terrible thought I know).

Touch her, whoa whoa!  Don’t be a creep but do a little extra touching. The affectionate kind, not the chimpanzee in a banana tree kind of touching. Hugs, hand holding (yuk, I know), kissing, comforting…you know. Touch her how you hate to touch her, not how you want yo touch her.

Look at her. Even I notice a lot of times when L talks, I don’t really look at her. I know what she looks like so I just kind of look elsewhere. For this one day, try to pay attention to her for once. Watch her eyes and lips….but don’t be a creep.

Lastly, this m may be hard to do, but whatever you do, don’t be yourself. Be the guy you used to be for one night. The romantic funny best friend most interested man she has ever been with.  Not the lazy, overworked, tired, beaten down and tore up man you feel like everyday when you wake up. Leave that wet blanket at home!

In reality, she could be anywhere in the works but she is here with you.


Wedding date!

February 9, 2011

image

One of my grooms dudes pointed out that our apartment number is also our wedding date! 4/16.

Pretty cool!  I hope he is atcoast guard boot camp staing out of trouble and not headbutting anyone.


Valentine’s day Special: First date ideas

February 7, 2011

UGH! You are SO BORING!!

L and I had our first date on Valentine’s Day of ’09.  I won her heart with my unbelievable swagger!  Really, the reason I won her over was because I really focused on putting myself in the best position to NOT screw things up.  Therefore, I’m going to turn into Cupid for the next few days and give you guys (and girls) some help on your first dates!  Starting off with some unconventional date ideas.  Nothing too expensive, nothing too awkward.

A couple rules when going on a first date right off the bat that will help you get to the second date.

  1. Avoid the creep zone – You want to be fun and comfortable, but don’t assume that she is more comfortable than she really is.  This will surely put you into the creep zone quickly.  There’s no getting out either!
  2. Eye contact – Very few people have “ugly eyes“, so just assume yours are nice to look at.  Show them to her…often … but don’t stare.  That’s creepy.
  3. Remember she’s a chick – Don’t do something you and your boys think are fun.  You wouldn’t want to go to the hair dresser or to sit at the Nordstrom makeup counter for 2 hours.  Don’t do the equivalent!
  4. Don’t be a drunk – How much fun is it to decipher slurred speech.  Now imagine if you were doing it for someone who was a complete idiot and was slobbering on himself.  Not so awesome is it?  Show some class. Don’t be a creep.
  5. Respect the exit strategy – If she says that she may have to leave early, it’s because ehe thinks you might be a creep.  She’ll probably say something about her friend being all distraught after some outrageous situation that occurred earlier that day.  Respect her fears…then prove her wrong.

Wine tasting – Let her teach you about her world.  Yeah we know about worldly beers and the smoothest tequilas, but what about pinot!?  I know nothing about it, but learning about it mde me realize I would have found it great to learn about it earlier.  It still tastes bad, but so do the 400 600 shots we took in college guys.  Man up!

Tennis lesson, bating cages, bowling, or golf range – This is for the athletic type from athletic family.  I think that it’s true that most girls are attracted to guys that have similar qualities to their siblings or fathers.

Hike 1, Hike 2! – Only for the adventurous type. Make sure people are around and that she would enjoy it and is prepared to sweat.  Don’t be a dummy and take her walking through the woods alone please. You never know, it could end up being the best situation of all time like mine was! (creep alert)

A different kind of rock – Not shopping for diamonds….I’m talking about rock climbing! Indoors, of course.  This is not a good one for a blind date, though.  Looking up at your dates behind as it is being squeezed by a couple tight straps can be a bad idea.  If you know she is a competitor and comfortable with her body , this could be a deal maker! Talk about a test of wills!  I almost peed myself climbing for the first time.  I held it in thought like a good little boy!

Shopaholics beware – Don’t go shopping for stuff for both of you,  that’s not fun…it’s stressful to see her ponder which credit card to use.  Plus you never know her financial situation ya know!?  Tell her you need a new shirt or jeans or something then ask her for her input.  Shows trust, and vulnerability. Gives her a chance to play GF without her knowing it. She will look back afterwards and realize how much fun she had especially if you are cutely awkward or have no fashion sense.  (Verified!)

Sittin’ on the dock of the bay (Top Gun reference!) – The water is so subtly calming and engaging that it takes a lot of pressure off of the nerve racking situation at hand. Just make sure she doesn’t get seasick and make sure you know how to row a boat.

Look honey!  An open House – Schedule to visit an open house or two one weekend and say you are looking to maybe buy a place. She will be impressed at your maturity and it makes things comically awkward when u refer to her by pet names like honey and sweetheart in front of strangers. Don’t overdo it!  Every girl I know LOVES to look at houses…especially big ones they can’t afford.

Blades of Steel! – Take her ice skating, but make sure she isn’t Nancy Kerrigans little sister.  You don’t want her to know she can do some physical activity better than you.

Tickets to a game – Now this is tricky so listen up.  Don’t take her to a game if she isn’t a fan.  don’t buy front row seats if she is a fan.  Just mention that you might hae someone that can get tickets, then gauge her response.  If she is excited, buy midrange tickets.  If not, then squash the idea.  Don’t get tickets to an NBA game.  They are not exciting and she will most likely just be infatuated with one of the players…leaving you with a bill.

People watching at a college – Sounds weird?  You’d be surprised how inhibited college kids are when they think they’re around people who are just like them.  Which is college.  Drunk college girls reciting their escapades.  Stoned 18 year olds talking about dreams they had I did this once in college and it was a hoot!  (I’ve never used hoot like that before, and I don’t think I ever will again) (Verified!)

The zoo – Awesome if the girl is an animal lover or if you just want to walk and have something to point at and make fun of because it is uglier (or cuter) than you are.  REMEMBER! Some places are smelly so be prepared to skip them or convince her to tough it out.

RAR!

Japanese steak house – If you’re going to do dinner, DO IT FUN!  At my favorite, Ziki in Gaithersburg, MD they have a guy that squirt water on you from this little figurine that shoots it from his peepee!  LOL! Hilarious!

Museums – This is a pretty cool and great in a city like  DC where I reside.  The choices are plentiful but it can make for awkward times.  Try to avoid them by not going to museums on extremely sensitive issues like the Holocaust museum.  THere is plenty of good history in these types of museums but it is not necessarily a first day location.