Mad at myself

January 31, 2011

Grrr!

I had to hilarious posts ready for primetime on the blog but I forgot to post them so now they are irrelevant because they had to do with stuff that happened over the weekend.  Unreal!

As my dad used to say, “get your act together son!” I am wasting perfect laughter on my own selfishness. Actually I am just beating myself up now.

Well let me say this…while I am on the topic of self loathing, I think I lost my debit card. Not good at all. I hate it when I do that…yes out happens fast too often. This time I didn’t cancel it before I even looked for it though.

Let me know if you find it…thanks…

UPDATE:  L found it.  in my ( you guessed it ) pants pocket.  Yet another reason to get married!


I’m not Grocer, that’s for sure!

January 27, 2011

Grocery shopping  is definitely not a very fun thing to do.  It’s about as fun as repeatedly punching myself in the throat.  Well apparently Giant has this new thing there where you can swipe this little guy (See pic below)  as you go and then just pay at the end.  It’s great!  The price is NEVER right though.  But still pretty cool.

image

L loves it even though she never really gets to use it.  She usually holds the list and hunts for the stuff in a logical manner while I swipe it, bag it, and suggest a cheaper option (which is usually followed by a death stare).  We are out of there in 45 minutes tops and I get to sit back in front of my beautiful HDTV and watch beautiful sports.

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Well! These past two weeks, L has had to work so I have had to go grocery shopping on my own….(disastrous!)

The first time I went, I had this masterpiece of a grocery list to work with.  (enjoy).  I still don’t understand the different size fonts for different items.  Maybe she REALLY wanted olive oil, but just kinda wanted bread.

Scratch!

Scribble

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Everything was all good until I got to the last section above.  Firstly, I’d like to point out my three additions to the list.  Frozen meals, apples & bananas, and fruit on sale.  Always thinking healthy and cheap!  Then towards the bottom we have three items items that threw me for a loop.

  • Moz  ^ stewed
  • can tomatoes 2 cans
  • com 1 can

OK.   after a few trips around the grocery store I realized that the moz what mozzerella cheese!  (Pat on the back).  I kept seeing moz stewed for some reason…possibly because they were on the same line, and I was taught to read from left to right.  Not left to down to back up to right.  Then I see “can tomatoes 2 cans“.  I figure she wants two cans of tomatoes and then I see the word stewed on one of the cans!  And that line comes to life!  2 cans of stewed canned tomatoes!  GOT IT!   (Pat on the back).  Then the last line………………. “COM 1 CAN“.

So there I am, standing in the canned food aisle.  I know I need a can of something in this aisle so I’m not going anywhere.  I look up.  I’m thinking out loud, debating asking someone what in the heck “com” is.  I decide I am a man and I will figure this out.  what in the heck is COM, I think.  Just then, it nearly jumps off the shelf at me!

CREAM OF MUSHROOM!!!!

I yank it off the shelf with a smile and stroll on over to check out.  I get home, unpack and begin telling L about my 2 hour (yes 2 hour) adventure.

G: Babe, I was having the worst time.  I think I got everything.  I couldn’t find a few things though.
L: Oh boy, like what?
G: I couldn’t find Chili Beans.  Craisins, I swear they don’t have them anymore.  and Shallots?  I don’t even know what those are!
L: The’re like little onions
G: Oh….Well they didn’t have it
L: Yeah they do.  They’re over near the big onions
G: Oh.  Well…. I did figure out something on the list.  I walked around for an hour looking for this COM on the list.  Then I realized, it was Cream of Mushroom!!!  haha!

She looks at me confused then says in the straightest face of all time.

L: You mean corn?!

G: ………………………

Shopping


Wedding show > football???

January 25, 2011

If you follow my life then you know that I am a huge football fan. To the point where I demanded that our wedding be scheduled during the spring or summer. Well Sunday 2 of the last of three games were played. Big, no… huge games. Starting at 3 pm.

Saturday, L asks me if we can go to a wedding show on sunday….football sunday…at noon. Now some would say that is plenty of time…I say that is cutting it pretty close. Maybe too close.

But of course I still agree to serve my fiance-ly duties and attend the show. Let me tell you…exciting stuff!

We get to the hotel where it is being held and the parking garage is packed and they are demanding that I pay seven dollars to park. Robbery!

We get there early so we can hopefully leave early. We follow the small gaggle of excited women who are all dragging their reluctant beloveds  behind them. Then a lady asks us if we are the bride and groom. L says yes and grabs some card or something, and a pencil and puts on a sticker. I just stand there…..then I remember, oh! I am the groom (oops).

So we proceed through the maze of people and stop about 200 people deep into this line. And wait. Ugh. All I can think about is how long this line is and how we are never going to be done here and how a cold energy drink would make this all better…but … I don’t have one.

Much to my surprise the line moves pretty quickly! I forgot the other awesome part of being a bride. Bridesmaids! Most other women had like 5 girls with them not getting married so it made it move through quicker!

Then I made a comment I probably shouldn’t have made. I said, “Maybe you should have brought your friends along.

Cold, deathly,  silence.

At that moment everyone disappeared. It was just me and my comment….dancing in this blizzard of a convention hall. Thinks fast fool…think!

I’m going to go to the ATM ago we can buy raffle tickets.

I ran to the atm…girls like money so give her money…that was my solution. Not a very good long term solution…but a solution to sst the least.

When I got back and threw a 20 dollar bill at her, things started to warm up again.

We get in and eat some banana cake. It was amazing. I love banana anything…especially banana pudding, and L knows this. Then we walk around this bride fest for a while and luckily we have no need for a lot of the booths. Like photography because our photographer is the amazing and talented Irene Abdou (http://ireneabdouportraitsweddings.com/, http://www.ireneabdouphotography.com/ and http://archive.ireneabdouphotography.com/). Other booths were for dj guys (check), cake people (check), part favors (check), and honeymoon destinations and packages…now we are talking!

We put our raffle tickets in the boxes for those drawings and I am pretty sure we will not win. I don’t win anything unless I have some affect on how much effort goes into it…like sports.  I don’t think L realizes this yet, but we wasted our time filing out those raffle cards.

That remind me..we had an argument about that while e were there! She writes really fast and in big bubble letters. Therefore her Ps look like Ds. Not good when you are entering to win stuff and the vendor can’t read it. Of course I open my big mouth and point this out to her and I get shoved into the bull pit of filling out cards for the rest of the time. Strike 2!

We continue walking and passing buy booth a after booth of stuff we don’t need! Yes!

Finally we come to to the end. I look st my watch….12:30!  We were only there for 30 minutes! I almost sprinted out of that bridezilla fest I was so happy!

Later, L was sending emails to some of her clients that won a prize for her business and I heard music to my ears.

L: “Can you read this email address for me? Is that an l our an I?
G: “I have no idea baby, she should have written more legibly.

*Smile*

…vindication!


She is funny! …today

January 25, 2011

L made a funny today! We were debating doing the peapod Giant delivery service. Figure out who was on which side…

L: Its free the first 60 days!
G: Do we really need it though? Ill just go get the groceries.
L: Are you going to get everything on the list this time?

….ouch. I just got open hand slapped in front of all my friends. She wins.


50/50? no chance….

January 19, 2011

So when this whole engagement thing started out, I wanted to be involved. I wanted to help out and make decisions and provide my expertise.

A mere two questions later, I found out that my “expertise” was not helpful at all.

L: What do you want the colors to be?
G: Uhh…what r my choices?
L: Persimmon, coral, fuscia….
G: Uhhh……perwho?
L: Persimmon…
G: Umm….yeah, u decide.

L: When should we have it?
G: Definitely not during football season, or the middle of the summer.  Sweaty grooms are not sexy.  and please not during march madness!
L: Are you serious?

…Yes I was.  When guys plan events, we have two times to worry about.

1) The time it (the actual event, not pregame/credits/anthems,precessional) starts, and
2) the time you want everyone to go home.

The latter is the most important of the two. When women plan events, they plan the time you have to walk in, hang your coat, “mingle“, have cock tails, bathroom breaks, sit down time, snack time, stand up time, dance time, game time, laughing time….it’s exhaustive and unneccessary to say the least.

Soon into this planning ordeal opportunity (N) I realized that I was not going to be much help. My brain just can’t decide if my body wants to dance before dinner but after salads, or after dinner but before the cake.

I went from wanting to be involved in the planning process on about 50% of the decisions, to about mm…20%.  It may sound selfish but trust me, It’s for the better!

I think when she started asking about the color of the flowers is when I realized I was out of my element. My crayon box as a kid was an 8 pack. I was strong with that 8 pack too! L obviously had a 248 deluxe color blast fusion set (with the crayon sharpener on the back of the box!).  I am still trying to figure out how to mix together my primary colors to make “fuscia” and “coral” or “fireworks“…how is fireworks even a color?? All the fireworks I’ve ever seen were different colors!

I think that is why this blog has gone from awesome and informative, to a how-to book on treading water in a womans world.

Right now I have so much water in my lungs, I don’t know how I will make it back to shore.

Maybe I should change this blog to “Life Ring of Yes”.


Valet

January 18, 2011

I have been around the block a few times when it comes to the luxurious life. I mean I know what lacrosse is. I went to a horse race once (R.I.P. Preakness infield). I played golf one time. But…there are some things I just have not experienced yet.

Me and L, went to brunch with Trey and Gwen (aka best man/brother and princess superstar) at the rehearsel dinner spot. on the way there we were told that the place was valet only. No problem…it can’t be that difficult (open mouth insert foot).

I pull up to the front and wait for the valet dude to come out. He finally does and I am ready! I already have the twenty dollar bill out and folded strategically. I am prepared to ask for ten bucks in change so that he gets 2 bucks in tip. I detached my key already and was prepped to give it to him.  I was ready to show that I’ve done this before…..

I step out of the car and slap the 20 in the guys hand…he looks at me crazily and then hands me the yellow ticket.  I ask him for change then I see L walk in and say “no“.  uh oh. It hits me. I am not supposed to party him until I pick up the car! I fumbe myself out the awkward exhange of money somehow and listen to the questions of “Haven’t you used valet before??NO. No L, never!

Embarrassed, I take my money back and head inside as L laughs at the fact that I just almost donated 10 bucks to this stranger.

So we eat lunch with the family and talk about some very awesome topics (I love the way they work, think, formulate and execute their plan!) Later, I start thinking…did I?…no way….I reach into my pocket and there is my car key.  Detached from all of the other keys. Right next to the 20 dollar bill that I didn’t give the valet.  Downstairs?  My car still sitting where I last left it….

…I still have so much to learn…


You gotta play to win!

January 17, 2011

I am having some trouble deciding on a big decision in my life. and I need some help.

Everyday when I am waiting for the train in the morning, I see the powerball jackpot in glowing red numbers and I briefly think about how awesome it would be to win that money.  Then (and only then) reality hits as I realize I don’t even know how to play the lottery.

I mean…do you play the same numbers everyday? Or pick random numbers? Something about the random draw just gives me the heeby jeebies. Rigged machines! Big brother conspiracy or something ridiculous like that.

Plus, what would L say if I started coming home with dozens of losing (because I never win anything) lotto tickets? I already have a terrible habit with energy drinks! She would lose her everloving mind if I wasted 20 bucks a week on tickets. My face hurts just thinking about it.

Actually how much is the lotto anyways? I don’t even know. Then there is also the thinking, what if I won? Who do I have an obligation to help out? Friends ? family? Cousins? Aunts? Uncles? Distant friends or just really close friends? Hang out buddies or just like friends worth buying their eternal friendship?

They say peoples lives get ruined from winning the lotto. Hard to believe honestly.

If I win, I just want a beach house, fast car, no debt, trust funds for the little guys-to-be and a gated community for us to wave to our also rich neighbors. Mom, my nephews, niece and L can get the rest of the money.

Truthfully, if I really hit the lotto, this blog will self destruct and I will not be held to anything I have said. In fact, I may disappear. And you may or may not get a check in the mail with a note that reads “Thanks…G“. The amout will dictate how thankful I really am.

With that said, I am going to play the lottery this weekend.