What’s life without rules?

Pretty soon L and I are going to meet with the DJ in order to get the playlist together for the reception. There is also a list of rules that I would like to discuss with this DJ to ensure maximal coolness at this unforgettable event.  Here are a few of these (minor) rules:

NO macarena, cha cha slide, limbo, choo choo train, cotton eye joe, or country music. This is not a sadie hawkins dance.
– Don’t go trying to get people out of their seats and on to the dance floor. I wouldn’t want to see your mom freak dancing to Beyonce so don’t encourage mine to do so (love you ma!)
– If a guy named Robbie comes up asking for you to play anything, say OK, but DO NOT PLAY IT! He will then say he is a groomsmen and slur some stuff about when we fought each other and that’s how we become such great friends, and he’ll probably mention being “brothers from another mother“…order him another jack and coke and he will forget all about it.
– One exception to the previous rule. If he requests Michael Jackson, play it immediately. Its sentimental. He will surely ask you to replay the same song multiple times throughout the night, please refer to previous rule for these cases.
– If you see me start to break dance and a crowd forming around me, (please, I beg of you) cut the music, hit the lights, and close the bar. Its time for me to go home!
– None of us are from DC so please don’t play any go-go.
– Please adjust the music selection to the room temperature. The groomsmen and I are all extremely sensitive to high temperatures. Our internal cooling systems produce massive amounts of perspiration to combat overheating. It is not a pretty sight to see four grown men sweating all over each other. Especially since I would have been sweating the whole day anyways from nerves and such. Please sneak in a slow song or two every once in a while.
– Neither L or I caught Bieber fever. We got immunized when we graduated high school.  Same goes for Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana, and any other Disney artist.  Willow Smith is OK though.
No sexual innuendos please. My grandmother will be there. Keep it clean! She doesn’t know what “make it clap” means, and I don’t want to have to be the one to explain it to her!
– Any requests for songs from the 90’s hereby have my blanket approval. Anything from the 80’s (that doesn’t have the name Jackson in it) has a blanket deny. Any song from the 70’s again has my blanket approval (especially if it causes a soul train line to form)
– Lastly, don’t do or say anything that would land you on YouTube or Tosh.0 – this would cause a reaction that may land me on americas most wanted.

What would life a wedding be without rules?


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