Worst feeling ever

December 29, 2010

I figured out the worst feeling in the world.  Having L ask me, “Did you do *Blank* like I asked you to?

Now, my mom can attest to the fact that the answer will ALWAYS be no. Actually, I think any woman in a serious relationship can say that their husbands or boyfriends will say no.  Why is that?

It’s pretty much a lock that if you ask me to do something, that isn’t even on my radar, and then you leave and expect me to remind myself to do this task that means nothing to me….I will forget immediately. It’s not on purpose!  I promise.  I really don’t want to forget what L asks me to do, but in order for me to do that, I have to internally put that random request on a mental pedestal.  No guy has a step ladder high enough to reach that pedestal unfortunately.

I hope maybe this is temporary or something and I would actually start to remember stuff, but this is certainly not the case.  I can just hear the future now.

Did you do *blank* like I asked you to?
Ah!  Sorry hun, I forgot.
Well, you have to start remembering the things that I ask you to do
How?
Put it in the same place you put football stats, and movie quotes
What?  I don’t know how to do that
Figure it out!  this is getting ridiculous!

and the argument will carry on like this until the end of time.  I will never be right.

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What’s life without rules?

December 28, 2010

Pretty soon L and I are going to meet with the DJ in order to get the playlist together for the reception. There is also a list of rules that I would like to discuss with this DJ to ensure maximal coolness at this unforgettable event.  Here are a few of these (minor) rules:

NO macarena, cha cha slide, limbo, choo choo train, cotton eye joe, or country music. This is not a sadie hawkins dance.
– Don’t go trying to get people out of their seats and on to the dance floor. I wouldn’t want to see your mom freak dancing to Beyonce so don’t encourage mine to do so (love you ma!)
– If a guy named Robbie comes up asking for you to play anything, say OK, but DO NOT PLAY IT! He will then say he is a groomsmen and slur some stuff about when we fought each other and that’s how we become such great friends, and he’ll probably mention being “brothers from another mother“…order him another jack and coke and he will forget all about it.
– One exception to the previous rule. If he requests Michael Jackson, play it immediately. Its sentimental. He will surely ask you to replay the same song multiple times throughout the night, please refer to previous rule for these cases.
– If you see me start to break dance and a crowd forming around me, (please, I beg of you) cut the music, hit the lights, and close the bar. Its time for me to go home!
– None of us are from DC so please don’t play any go-go.
– Please adjust the music selection to the room temperature. The groomsmen and I are all extremely sensitive to high temperatures. Our internal cooling systems produce massive amounts of perspiration to combat overheating. It is not a pretty sight to see four grown men sweating all over each other. Especially since I would have been sweating the whole day anyways from nerves and such. Please sneak in a slow song or two every once in a while.
– Neither L or I caught Bieber fever. We got immunized when we graduated high school.  Same goes for Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana, and any other Disney artist.  Willow Smith is OK though.
No sexual innuendos please. My grandmother will be there. Keep it clean! She doesn’t know what “make it clap” means, and I don’t want to have to be the one to explain it to her!
– Any requests for songs from the 90’s hereby have my blanket approval. Anything from the 80’s (that doesn’t have the name Jackson in it) has a blanket deny. Any song from the 70’s again has my blanket approval (especially if it causes a soul train line to form)
– Lastly, don’t do or say anything that would land you on YouTube or Tosh.0 – this would cause a reaction that may land me on americas most wanted.

What would life a wedding be without rules?


Plate cover? Or food podium?

December 27, 2010

image

I’m pretty sure this is not how L intended for the food cover to be used.


question…

December 27, 2010

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I just opened up the fridge to see this siting on the shelf.

Babe, seriously? You couldn’t finish these two bites of pasta? ? ?


I finally get my way!

December 25, 2010

It’s Christmas Day!!!  Merry Christmas to all! and to all a Merry Christmas.

When I was a kid I used to try to go to bed early on Christmas Eve so that Christmas day would come quicker!  Time always seemed to pass by so slowly on this particular day!  I didn’t know why!  I later realized that when you were are excited about something happening, it tends to come slower than when you aren’t so excited for things….it tends to be here before you know it.

Well needless to say, the trying to force myself to sleep thing didn’t work very well at all.  In fact it doesn’t work well now that I’m a grownup either!  I knew that my parents would not let me open my presents until the next morning.  But I knew my dad was sometimes as excited to give the gifts to us as I was to receive them!  So with that information I used it to my advantage.  I’d wake up as SOON as I saw the lights were out downstairs.

I remember my mom would cook until the wee hours of the morning and my dad would stay up really late as well.  I’m sure this was strategy!  Then sometime around 4 in the morning, I’d wake up, creep down stairs and peek around the corner to see a living room FULL of gifts and hours of fun!  I’d run back up and shake my snoring dad up and go “Santa came! Santa came!”  then my mom would go “it’s too early!  not yet

So I’d run back to bed and lay awake for an hour and go peak outside waiting for a glimmer of sunlight, and also peak downstairs to try to figure out what gifts I had received!  Eventually, my dad would convince my mom that we should get up and get the day started!  Somewhere around 5 or 6am (Maybe 4:30am if I were lucky).

Well…I would like to say that I have found someone who is as excited to give gifts as I now am!  Me and L opened our gifts at the crack of midnight last night!!  I got Washington Capitals jersey that I dreamed of 2 years ago!! (There’s a player named Nicklaus Backstrom and I got a jersey that says Blackstrom on the back.  Get it?  Clever right?)  L got the jacket that we originally went to NYC to find and were unsuccessful.  This again proves that I am a shopping genius!

I just want to say Merry Christmas to you all and spend it with your family and loved ones if you can, and if not, make sure to cherish the time with your self and love yourself!  Ok.


What’s so funny?

December 24, 2010

I asked L today, “What makes you laugh?”   I asked, because I honestly have NO clue.  Sometimes she laughs at something stupid I say, but most of the time when I tell her a story she just looks at me.  She doesn’t smile….nothing.  Something I think is hilarious gets little to no reaction from her.  UNLESS it involves me injuring myself, or if I fumble over my worlds while telling the (suddenly unfunny) story.

I think this is common with women.  We can sit down and watch stand up comedy and I’m literally laughing so hard that I have stand up in order to keep myself from peeing down my leg, while she may giggle once or twice.  Then we go and she will tell the world that the same comedian she just giggled over is “HILARIOUS!”   WHAT you barely giggled at him yesterday!!

So when I asked her what she thought was funny, she got defensive, and I felt like a mean guy.  THEN!  she brought up a comedian we were watching the other day that said something along the lines of  “you reach that point where its just not ok to take baths with your kids” or something.  I vaguely remember it, but I clearly remember me laughing at the comment and pointing it out to her as being funny.  Then she asks the question that no man can safely answer…

What’s so funny about taking baths with your kids?

…nothing baby.  Nothing at all.

 


Great L Quotes

December 19, 2010

As she is securing a Christmas star on our 5 foot tree in our living room: “Are you an angel or a star person?

……I take a look at the star, already on the tree.  “I’m a star person.

Sometimes the right answer, is the only answer.