“Happy wife, happy life”? …obvious propaganda!

Just because it rhymes doesn’t make it true!  You can’t just please the woman outright.  You have to do it in a roundabout, tricky, smart, partners-in-crime manner.

There’s a reason that they teach us the meaning of the word appeasement around the same time puberty hits for boys! I am just saying!

Women are like cobras. If you corner them, THEY WILL STRIKE! Hard, fast, and without remorse!

Here are some great tips and tricks that I have learned to keep my *pause* fiancee *pause again* happy.  Communication is the key,  but timing and delivery of that communication are the doorbell to her letting you in!

  • She will stop talking if you keep saying “huh?” (Doesn’t work if she is not very smart.  She will just keep repeating her sentences.  Know your enemy!)
  • Start every possibly destructive idea or suggestion with “Baby, maybe,” (also known as the tiptoe technique)
  • Never talk louder than her if she is getting loud. Her hearing gets better, but her caring suddenly vanishes. (This is like throwing grenades from the bottom of a well….it can only get so much worse)
  • If you don’t want to do something she asks of you, please don’t respond to the request with “honestly?” “Today?!?” “But…“, or any sound of frustration, sarcasm, or disgust. She washes your underwear and she has a camera phone (tread lightly…no pun intended)
  • Any major decisions you make without asking for her opinion will result in a subtle accumulation of ambush tasks or surprise schedulings. (grenades up a well again)
  • Don’t ask what color it is. You won’t agree. (ever)
  • Don’t correct her on the color. She will tell you the Crayola recipe. (we are dealing with an 8 pack of crayons, while women have the Bob Ross Limited Edition Crayola Creation pack)

  • Your positive opinion means nothing when jean shopping but your negative opinion is golden. Therefore tell her what you don’t like and she will then realize what you love. (I learned this jean shopping, but it applies to so much else!)
  • Highlights cost more than a color change. They are quicker too. (Similar to the ‘Ugly jeans’ rule from above.  Dislike the color change, and act clueless about highlightsCombine with the ‘huh’ rule once you think she understands)
  • Despite what she says, her bedtime is ideally your bedtime (treat bedtime like the opening line of that Christmas poem, “…when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.”)

George Bush said it best!  It’s all about  

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